Saturday, March 10, 2012

Resolution March: What?!?!

I really thought I had this month figured out. I really thought I had a decent handle on things. Really, I did!  I was going to focus this month on eating clean, healthy, and good.  Wherever I went, I would make the healthiest choice possible.  This wasn't going to be a bunch of unrealistic limitations or boundaries, simply a chance to DECIDE to MAKE healthy CHOICES.  See? All within my grasp, even with as much as I adore sugar and carbs.

Then my sickness melted in from February. How do I eat healthy when all I want to do is be in bed?  Then a group of my friends and I helped my mom unload all her possessions from a uhaul into her new apartment, and she bought everyone pizza.  How do you get people to feel comfortable enough to just grab some pizza offered from a woman they just met, in an apartment they've never been to before?  You eat some first.  Then the youth group I work with had a pancake party.  How do you build relationships at a pancake party? You eat the dang pancakes. 

Needless to say............this month has not started well.  I met with my discipleship leader, Natalie, a few days ago, and it was the first chance in several weeks that we'd had to meet, due to her family being sick, and then my own sickness.  It was a really incredible time of discipleship, prayer, and refocusing. The main theme I got from this meeting was that it's very apparent that this month is not meant for food or physical health.  This month is meant for the Lord, and my relationship with Him.

I have been having a drought of sorts in my relationship with the Lord.  I've been struggling to get through Leviticus (in my bible-in-a-year plan) and my prayer life has also been really affected lately. I haven't felt the motivation to be with the Lord, and therefore I stopped actively seeking Him. My bible reading stopped, and my prayer life started drying up.  Storms? Storms I can handle.  Mountains, valleys....all the ups and downs that come with Life.  But drought?? The drying up of your emotions, of your experiences, of your soul, THAT is a struggle for me. THAT is what makes me hole up in a shed and hide somewhere.  THAT is what robs me of my intimacy with the Lord.

And since I have not yet addressed my relationship with the Lord, either in my monthly resolutions, or in my life in general, this month has become a month of the Lord.  They say that March is the best month for cleansing, be it physical, material, or spiritual.  And this is my spiritual cleansing month. I need to get rid of all my idols, anything and everything that takes my focus first before the Lord, and get back to the heart of Us.  Meaning my scripture reading and meditation returns, I actively sit and wait upon the Lord- to speak, to move, to show Himself to me.  If I truly believe in Him, and believe Him, I'll start acting like it.  And that begins today.  One step at a time.  He's just waiting for me to slow down and let Him in.

So bring it on, Lord.  I'm finally ready.  Bring it!

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