................................God...............................

Immanuel

Jehovah Jireh

One question has really been bouncing around in my head and my heart lately. A question I've only recently begun to truly analyze and apply.

How would our lives change if we truly believed God was walking with us, and that His thoughts, His opinions, were the only things that mattered?

Recently, I was speaking with my pastor's wife about some emotional endurance issues I'd been having, and she encouraged me with the story of Moses. Here was a man who led thousands and thousands of grumbly, complain-y, rude people around a wilderness for forty years. Every other day they were either mad at him or mad at his wife, and on opposite days they were trying to mutiny against the Lord. They break for camp one day, Moses schlepps up a mountain to sit in God's presence for a while, and all (forgive my lack of a better word) hell breaks loose in base camp. The ultimate mutiny- they throw God out the window, make golden statues of animals, and begin to worship them because God doesn't answer their prayers the way they want Him to.

This is what I imagine Moses looked like.

You can tell he's angry because of the beard and the pointing.

Moses comes back down the mountain to see all this, throws some pretty rare stones on the ground, turns around, and treks back up the hill to God. "Lord," he says, "These people suck. They complain, they argue, nothing I say or do is ever right. But I will continue to lead them, to listen to them, to offer than encouragement and advice, whatever You want or ask...just let me be with You right now. Just let me sit in Your presence and be encouraged, because their opinions and words don't matter. Only Yours."

Moses found his self-esteem, his encouragement, his fulfillment in the Lord. He didn't allow the people around him to fill his head or his heart with discouragement, negativity, or a false sense of self based on their emotional opinions.

It got me thinking: if I truly pressed into the Lord rather than people, if I really allowed my emotional sustenance to come from Him rather than seeking it from other people, how would my life change? How much more courage would I face my days with? What obstacles or fears could I overcome if I only focused on God's opinion? What steps of absolute faith could I blindly take, knowing He was with me?

No, we are not meant to be islands, we are created as relational people. But those relationships don't necessarily have to impact or affect you, especially negatively. Someone recently shared with me a revelation that when we take on people's negative opinions or statements, we are giving them the authority that only God should possess to speak into our lives. He is the only Truth. We as people are fallible, emotional, broken people, and the adage Hurt people hurt people absolutely applies.

How would our lives change, how would our spirits, our attitudes change, if we really believed that God's opinion of us was the only one that mattered? If we really believed He was real, that He walked with us...  Of all of God's different names, two have been really impressed on me in the recent past: Immanuel, which means God With Us, and Jehovah Jireh, which means God Has Provided. I think that really wraps up His character beautifully: He walks with us, talks with us, lives in us... and He has already provided, even for the things we have yet to ask Him for. He is a Provider, and His provisions sustain us and spur us on along our journeys.

 It helps if you hold hands.

I think life would be easier to handle if we took back the position of influence people have in our lives, and gave it back to the Lord, the only true owner of that place. When we actively seek Him, when we sit back and listen, when we allow Him to be the voice of Reason and Truth and Life... wow. What healing we might experience, and what incredible things we could accomplish. Amen.

Resolution June: Financial Awareness

In The Area Of Om Nom Nom

 

 I know, I know...it's not June. Yet. But finances have been on my mind quite a bit this month. More so than usual, and that's a lot! I've been noticing just how very much I eat from fast food restaurants. It's enough to be ashamed of for two lifetimes.  Not only am I ashamed of my serious lack of daily nutritional value, but think of how much money I spend buying meals from a drive thru! Wow. It's a really overwhelming thought.

So my resolution for the ENTIRE month of June will be to avoid eating from any fast food restaurant. I will make an exception for sit-down meals, but only in the company of at least one other person (and it can't have been my invitation or idea). If I go to a fast food place with a group of friends, I'll eat beforehand. Period. It's a month, I can do it.

I think the hardest things for me are going to be the 2 weeks I'm dog- and house-sitting for friends, and any stinking time I go to a coffee shop. I will, however, make one exception to the rule on behalf of my serious addiction to coffee (and how very social drinking a cup of coffee is): I can purchase one cup of black coffee, or one cup of hot tea, both being around $1 ish. That's not too bad. And I'll be saving a bundle because I'm not drinking my regular $3.76 latte.

Now here is the kicker: ANY amount of money I even think about spending at any fast food place, any craving I can't stop drooling over, will immediately be dedicated to bill-paying. I can't imagine how much money I'll not only be saving, but be using to (hopefully) pay a bill or two completely off.  I'll keep a record for my own benefit (and to prove to myself how much of a glutton I am, both in the realm of food and finances).  At the end of the month I'll be able to look back and see how much money I spend monthly on excess, and I'll be able to make an informed, pre-persuaded decision to cut out excess luxury in my life, in order to be more financially fit. A tool, I hope, to carry on for the rest of my life, in the hopes of giving even more to missions, to charity, and to my family.

Open The Flood Gates

As you all know, I've been searching the Lord for an overseas area I can go to spend a year ministering to "the least of these." I'm just in the beginning stages of this process, but the Lord, as per usual, has just opened the floodgates of blessing in my life. Every door I've knocked on has been opened by someone eager to get to know me and where the Lord might be placing me.

I had a meeting last week with an old friend and mentor who is preparing to move to Guatemala to run a home for abused or abandoned teenage girls. We discussed the possibility of applying for a job there, or maybe even an internship (which would only last 6 months, which is 6 months shy of how long I'd like to stay).  He even offered to set up a trip for me to visit this summer to explore more fully the idea that God might be calling me there.  I'm terribly excited.

The very next day I had a skype interview with a regional director of Team Inc, an international missions organization that works in many, many different countries on many, many different continents in many, many different capacities.  The older gentleman who interviewed me was incredibly kind, and full of information and encouragement for me during this process.  He was enthusiastic that I would be a great candidate for mission work, and gave me a week to narrow my search- at this point, I'm open to going pretty much anywhere, but the world is a mighty large place.  I, however, am more interested in WHAT I might be doing, as opposed to WHERE.  I know my calling is to work with teenage girls- I don't care where I go in order to do that.

Finally- just this afternoon- I received a phone call from Christ In The City, International- a missions organization that focuses primarily in Central and South America, in mainly Spanish-speaking countries. Because I am willing to go for a year, she felt I could go to a language school within the ministry area for the first few months, because ministry is much more powerful when you can understand and be understood by the person(s) you are working with. She also encouraged me to seek out 2 other organizations that work primarily with youth. She'll be emailing me those details tonight.

Like I said, this is just the surface level of seeking where God will have me. My hope is to GO by the end of the year. All of these opportunities, like most missions, will be support-based. I'll need to raise my own funds.  I'm not worried, however. I know that if God opens the door, He'll provide. I'm ready. Or... at least...I think I'm ready. Only HE knows. He is continually moving and challenging and growing me in ways I never knew I could be. I know that's a lifelong process, but I'm ready and willing whenever He feels I am necessary somewhere. Until then, I will continue to seek Him, seek ways to serve Him here, and seek to minister to students in this area. He is a faithful God. He will prove faithful in abundance, beyond my wildest dreams or expectations, in this area as well. All praise to Him. Amen.

Resolution May: Phyiscal Health

I'm going to say this quickly, before my courage, motivation, and will-power abandon me.  My resolution for the month of May will be to work out 5 days a week, and if I work out a 6th day, I'll reward myself with something (other than food). And that will be the only reward I get, because working out every day should be part of my lifestyle, not an occasional activity meriting a reward.

I've been really neglecting my physical health lately. Bearing the image of God, and being the abiding place of His Holy Spirit, I need to be more mindful of my body, and the things I'm allowing to "nourish" it. I'm starting with exercise, because for me- good habits beget good habits. It's much easier for me to choose healthy meals and snacks when I know my body needs enough of the right kind of fuel to not just get through a day, but get through a workout.  Perhaps next month I will re-visit only making healthy food choices, or perhaps that will trickle in during this month of intentional exercise.  I know I attempted this in February, only to end the month with a severe sinus infection. Surprisingly enough, today is the first day of May AND the first day of a NEW sinus infection. But we press on anyway!

Now that this statement is public, I must hold myself to it, so...

Here's to a month of being reminded of the importance of attention to my body and physical health!

A. C.A.S.T.L.E.

 

My precious sisters

Tonight was our last small group meeting of the semester, before everyone graduates or leaves for the summer.  It was also my last meeting as a small group leader. I will still be working with our high school ministry, 707, and leading a small group there, but this will be the last I lead a small group of adults for Vineyard, at least for the forseeable future. My time and attention needs to be spent with my high school students.  So, needless to say, tonight was really bittersweet for me. But much more sweet than bitter. I am so grateful, and so blessed, that God thought enough of me to allow me to be part of His plan.

The girls I have been blessed to teach and lead this semester have been wonderful, really teaching me more than I taught them.  The things they shared were insightful, genuine, and impactful, not only to the group as a whole, but to me. I learned so much about what it meant to bring a vulnerable, teachable spirit to the Lord and to our community. I learned what it meant to really look someone in the eye, and listen to what she is saying.  I learned what it meant to truly intercede for someone in prayer, and to watch God work in their lives.

 

We're clearly cooler than you

Tonight as we wrapped up our discussion, we moved into a time of encouragement.  Our typical night ends with words of affirmation, wisdom, and encouragement for each other, but tonight we wanted to end with words of affirmation to our Lord. We held hands and prayed "breath prayers". We went around the circle several times, but praying only one sentence at a time, or a prayer on one breath. It was one of the most incredible moments I've experienced in prayer. I wish I could remember everything that was said, or that I had the courage to write it all down, because it was genuinely life-changing.

"Thank You, God, for loving me for who I am but not wanting me to stay there." 

"Thank You, God, for letting me be Your little girl." 

"Thank You, Jesus, for letting me share this semester with girls 

who lift me up, teach me, and support me." 

"Thank You, Father, for pulling me out of my darkness, and into Your wonderful light." 

"Thank You for coming to rescue me, even when I run away."

"Help us seek You and only You."

"We love You with everything in us- help us show the world who You are."  

And on and on it went.  More powerful and more emotional and more honest the further along we got. It was really, really special.

And now I have all these wonderful memories and images to carry with me as I part from these ladies, maybe for a summer, maybe for a year, maybe for a lifetime. But I am comforted knowing that we are connected by a Holy Spirit which is more powerful than being physically next to each other. And one day, no matter what, we'll all meet again, standing right in front of Jesus, and there will be a party unlike anything we can imagine!

 

Princesses in A. C.A.S.T.L.E., 

living with purpose and intention today,

as we hope for the future 

Andi

Caroline

Amber

Sydney

Tierah

Lydia

Emily

  I thank my God every time I remember you. 

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 

because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,  

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you 

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

Phil. 1:3-6

Old Testament Nuggets, Vol. 2

I've been flying through the OT lately! Reading stories I've never read, re-reading old favorites- it's been a tremendous journey!  I figured I should at least offer some new nuggets of truth the Lord has been revealing to me through His old covenant. (There will be some New Testament Nuggets, as well, so forgive the slightly inaccurate heading). Welp, here goes!

1. Deut. 15:18
Don't be upset about someone leaving, but be joyful and give thanks for the time that you did have with them.

2. Joshua 3:5
What a beautiful thought: "Joshua told the people, 'Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.' " A preview of Easter, as well?

3. Judges 6:17-40
Gideon asked the Lord for signs that it was really Him speaking- and God answered! God gave Gideon exactly the signs he was asking for.

4. Judges 8:2-3
Gideon's humble and selfless response caught the Israelites unaware, shocked them, and melted their resentment toward him. He disarmed them with the heart of a servant.

5. Judges 8:7
But he wasn't a pushover. Humble, but strong.

6. Ruth 3:10-11
Ruth showed romantic restraint. Wow! For those of you without a Bible at your hands in this present moment, and for fear that you will miss this incredible truth, I'm going to go ahead and give you the scripture:

10 "The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. 
"This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: 
You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 
  11 And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. 
All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.

 She showed restraint in her single life, with her single heart, and the Lord blessed and provided for her.  This is not to say that the Lord will provide a husband for us all, He may provide something else instead. And that has to be okay. But we must show restraint in our lives. And when we do, as in verse 11, people will know the we are women of our words, women of pure motivation, and women of "noble character." And that's amazing, and worth it!

7. 1 Samuel 8:18

Be careful what you wish for...    

8. 1 Samuel 9:16

God didn't just volunteer to save Israel from the Philistines. They had to first acknowledge their need for Him, and then actively ask for His intercession. He answered because they asked.

**9. 1 Samuel 9:24 

I want to camp here for just a minute, because in all my scripture reading (for today specifically), this might be my favorite moment.

"Here is what has been kept for you. Eat, because it was set aside for you
 for this occasion, from the time I said, 'I have invited guests.'"

What a beautiful idea! I would love to have this on a plaque for my future dining room, as a reminder to me to make people feel more comfortable and welcome in my home and at my table, and a reminder to my guests that they are special and important. Especially when I have lots of kids (again- biological, adopted, and fostered). But even before then, as I host or foster my students for a meal or coffee or just to chat... I need to be mindful of the things I am doing, not doing, or could do to make people feel welcome and special. How lovely this thought would make someone feel- "I have prepared a place for you. This time/meal/energy is meant for you. I love it.

10. Luke 1:28-30

Mary didn't have to do anything or be anyone. She just was who she was, and God blessed her with favor and promise.  I should be more willing to be myself, rather than compare myself to or attempt to emulate others. He made me to be me, and when I start owning that, He'll open the floodgates of heaven's blessings.

11. Luke 1:74

God enables us to serve Him without fear. Wow.

12. Luke 3:11
Give. Period. This might be my excuse to sell or give away everything I own! I've been looking for a reason (and perhaps also a little more courage) to do this. Just give, and then go.

13. Luke 3:13

Don't take any kind of advantage of people, no matter who they are.

14. Luke 7:1-10

I can't even imagine what it would be like to amaze Jesus with my faith. My two favorite verses here are 9 and 13.

15. Luke 7:50

No words are even necessary here. The scripture simply says everything it needs to:

⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”   

16. Luke 8:15

"By persevering, produce a crop." We don't grow, mature, or produce fruit without being tested and without getting through the trial.

17. Luke 14:6

 What a beautiful verse. Not just for when God calls us out, but for anytime we're focused on the presence of God, period.

18. Luke 14:8-11

I must also look for ways (and then follow through) to exalt and honor people. Sometimes we're not the guest- sometimes we're the host, and we are meant to make people feel necessary. 

19. Luke 14:28

This is also for when I adopt and foster. <3

20. Luke 14:28

I should definitely start planning my projects, rather than just jumping straight into them without thinking, and praying that God will provide. Wisdom itself is a Godly attribute!

Wow. That was a lot of information. I hope you enjoyed some of the little bites of truth and wisdom the Lord has been revealing to me, and I pray He is continuously revealing to you your own little bites of truth.

Today Was...

Just... wow.

I started the day with a seriously low tire on my car. Instead of fixing it, I ignored it in order to get to work on time. Did I remember to fix it after work? Nope. Completely forgot. And as I'm sitting on my couch, staring out the front door in the general direction of my car, I am currently remembering I need to get that fixed. Enter Bucket List Item #87.

While I'm cleaning the dining room before we open, as I was trying to listen to my youversion Bible Plan scriptures for the day, I take my phone out of my pocket and promptly DROP IT. This makes screen break #2. Yech.

 

I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart.

I then proceed to walk into the alley at work and basically throw a glass on the floor. Okay, I didn't actually throw the glass on the floor, I just dropped it really, really hard. On the floor. Accidentally.

 

I mean, we didn't really need this one, right?

I then have all of THREE tables before I am cut from work. So I make TEN CENTS at work and then come home to blog before my Monday night yoga class.

 

This is all I needed for rent, right? Wait a minute- 

this isn't even AMERICAN change!

Thinking back on the last five hours of my life....and then relating that to the last 25 years of my life... I think it's been a really great day! I am getting to the point in my life when things like this don't affect me, because they don't matter.  A broken glass is just that- a broken glass.  And working in a restaurant- there are literally 5 billion other glasses just waiting for their turn to replace that one. A broken phone....sucks...but it's just a broken phone. I know I'll get it fixed or replaced...so no big deal. My flat tire will be aired up again, and my lack of monies will end up just fine, because God has my back and He's proven Himself faithful again and again and again.

Why was this such an important day for me to experience? Because I needed to know that at the end of the day, all this stuff, all the crazy things that happen, all the negative drama that goes down....it's just stuff.  People's lives are at stake in the bigger picture.  Do I spend my time stressed about money and materials, or do I spend my time focused on loving people, speaking words of life and healing, and pointing them to Jesus? That's the big question at the end of the day. And I need to take that far more seriously than I do.  I'm so grateful that all these things happened this morning- being aware that there IS a bigger picture out there is the most important step toward actually seeing it.  And I want to see the bigger picture, not just my own little snapshot of time.

 

NOT me today!