After having taken the summer off from blogging (because it takes SO much time...), I am back to re-instate my life online.
This summer has been much less like a vacation and much more like a what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-let's-fill-one-hundred-percent-of-our-time-with-any-and-every-thing-we-possibly-can. Whew. And that's just about what I did. I finished my yoga teacher training and received my certification. I started ballroom dancing again. I'm still working at the lobster, only now I'm training all the new servers that come in (which I have found, to my delight, I truly, truly enjoy doing). I started teaching at a yoga studio in town. I started with 8 classes a week, but with the economy, we downsized that to only 4 classes, and I sub for other teachers when I can. I'm also teaching yoga at my alma mater- only one class a week. I also was in an independent film- I was a hired assassin and got to do some serious fight choreography. (The lead I was fighting with had little stage combat experience and he literally beat the crap out of me. I was black and blue for 2 weeks. Still totally worth it.) On top of all this work, I've attempted to have SOME semblance of a social life, which has amounted to seeing my best friend about once a week. I TOTALLY lost the battle with healthy eating and have gained all my weight back with a vengeance...and then some. I have gone to 2 Thai Bodywork workshops and have taken up practicing on all my friends. I really, really enjoy it, and I find those I practice on really, really enjoy it, too.
I've become absolutely obsessed with learning how to West Coast Swing, a type of ballroom dancing I've attempted to learn in the past but have had very little of the rhythm necessary. Not this time! This time I win. Damn it. I've fallen in love with hiking and attempt to go as often as I can, which so far has amounted to thrice this summer. But go I do...my phobia of spiders, ticks, and wasps be damned. I also have started to find the word "Damn" really funny. I read tons of books, including the entire Hunger Games Trilogy in just 3 days. I'm FINALLY getting around to reading Eat Pray Love, and I bought The Help after watching the film, but haven't read it yet. I did, however, read Water For Elephants after having watched THAT film, and I must say while the movie was good, the book was incredible. You should probably read it, too. I've fallen in love with partner yoga, mala beads (although I haven't had an opportunity to own any yet), pretzels with cheese, incense (particularly the cinnamon kind), forearm/arm balances, anjanayasana, sushi, barre workouts, and hiking (of course). I've re-fallen in love with raisinets (we fought for awhile), going to the movie theatre, margaritas, going on walks (and sometimes jogs), reading, blogging, and, last but certainly not least, eating at out-door cafes. Mmm mmm good. I'm preparing to re-fall in love with coffee, working out, autumn, scarves, and quieter days.
I'm also preparing to send in my headshot and resume to hopefully receive invitations to audition for the American Shakespeare Center in Staunton, VA, and the Shakespeare Theatre Company in DC. If I receive no invitations I'm going to take that as a sign that theatre is not what I should be pursuing right now and throw myself into getting my masters in counseling. I've become obsessed with the idea of working, perhaps, in an abused women's shelter, combining counseling, yoga therapy, and thai bodywork into a holistic kind of therapy that will encourage, inspire, and heal. Whatever happens, I'm hoping to be accepting, energetic, and hopeful as I not so much walk, but LEAP into the future.
Book Currently Reading: Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
For My Love of Yoga
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Paperweight On My Back, Cover Me Like A Blanket
I've been a member of an amateur mordern dance company through my university for many years. I took this last season off so I could work more, pay some bills, and really focus on my yoga teacher certification training. Consequently, it's been a long, long, LONG time since I've danced, and even longer since I just went into the studio and played around with music and movement. Well, last night was the end of that streak!
A good friend of mine, Zach, showed up to play with choreography with me, and we went to town. I've been obsessed with the song Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk lately- it just makes me want to dance. You know music like this. I asked Zach to come by and help me throw a duet together and, boy, did we. We have just over a minute twenty finished, and just about two minutes to go. Luckily, we'll be having more dance dates soon!
It was so cathartic for me to dance again...to just get on the floor and move my body a little. Yoga is incredible, and life changing for me...but nothing can take the place of dance. The music, the emotions, the performance aspect- it's just...everything. And the best part- his shirt and my socks matched! <3
A good friend of mine, Zach, showed up to play with choreography with me, and we went to town. I've been obsessed with the song Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk lately- it just makes me want to dance. You know music like this. I asked Zach to come by and help me throw a duet together and, boy, did we. We have just over a minute twenty finished, and just about two minutes to go. Luckily, we'll be having more dance dates soon!
It was so cathartic for me to dance again...to just get on the floor and move my body a little. Yoga is incredible, and life changing for me...but nothing can take the place of dance. The music, the emotions, the performance aspect- it's just...everything. And the best part- his shirt and my socks matched! <3
Monday, March 7, 2011
It's ok to hurt. It's ok to heal.
Everyone has their heart broken at some point. Lots of people have been jilted in love. And lots of people find the courage and the strength to move on. They deal with the pain, the jealousy, the absolute heart break. And they live through it. Every day. This is going to be me, too.
I woke up early this morning with a painful constriction in my chest, just one more physical sign of emotional distress. No, that's not the term for it- it's so much more than that. And it has been for a long, long time now. But I woke up, praying with all my might that my loving Father in heaven could pick me up again after my fall. That my powerful God could make me right again. I asked Him to take all the broken, shattered, aching, distrusting, rejected, tiny shreds of my heart and make them whole again. I'd like to say it was instantaneous, that my life was better in that second. It wasn't. It won't be. But I can start to see a tiny light at the end of this long, long, dark tunnel and that light is hope. Hope that I can trust again, hope that I can heal, that I can be new again, that the pain won't stay overwhelming forever. That the memories won't hold heartache and bitterness and rejection and loss and pain, but that I can look back on these past few years of my life as a time of love and growth. They really did help make me into who I am today. Definitely not perfect, but worthy of love. Real, unconditional, heart-pounding, make-it-through-the-hard-stuff-even-though-it's hard type love. And it's out there. Out there at the end of this tunnel.
I stole my heart from God and gave it away far too early, but I can give it back. He'll take it. All the shattered pieces of it. He came for the sick, you know. The downtrodden. The broken. That's me. It might be you, too. I know I have a privileged life, and I know this experience isn't an isolated one. Lots of people go through it. And lots of people get through it. That's going to be me, too.
I wish I could say it's going to happen overnight. Oh, how I wish that! The constriction in my chest, that searing hot knife through the center of me- it's still there. But I know it won't be there forever.
Today is my birthday. I'm being constantly reminded that there are people in my life who love me. Maybe not in the romantic way I hope for, but in the unconditional, overwhelming, generous, enthusiastic, love-me-just-for-being-me way. I think it's about time I stop throwing a pity party for my heart, and start throwing myself into loving other people. I've spent too much time already being consumed by my own pain, and missing out on the pain other people feel. On their joys and triumphs, too. I think part of my healing will come from throwing myself into lives that aren't my own. If I stay too involved in my own, the pain and memories will just continue to drown me. There are other things in this world than me and my life and my pain and my hurt. People need to be loved. And if I can't receive love, I sure can give it.
God is so good.
I woke up early this morning with a painful constriction in my chest, just one more physical sign of emotional distress. No, that's not the term for it- it's so much more than that. And it has been for a long, long time now. But I woke up, praying with all my might that my loving Father in heaven could pick me up again after my fall. That my powerful God could make me right again. I asked Him to take all the broken, shattered, aching, distrusting, rejected, tiny shreds of my heart and make them whole again. I'd like to say it was instantaneous, that my life was better in that second. It wasn't. It won't be. But I can start to see a tiny light at the end of this long, long, dark tunnel and that light is hope. Hope that I can trust again, hope that I can heal, that I can be new again, that the pain won't stay overwhelming forever. That the memories won't hold heartache and bitterness and rejection and loss and pain, but that I can look back on these past few years of my life as a time of love and growth. They really did help make me into who I am today. Definitely not perfect, but worthy of love. Real, unconditional, heart-pounding, make-it-through-the-hard-stuff-even-though-it's hard type love. And it's out there. Out there at the end of this tunnel.
I stole my heart from God and gave it away far too early, but I can give it back. He'll take it. All the shattered pieces of it. He came for the sick, you know. The downtrodden. The broken. That's me. It might be you, too. I know I have a privileged life, and I know this experience isn't an isolated one. Lots of people go through it. And lots of people get through it. That's going to be me, too.
I wish I could say it's going to happen overnight. Oh, how I wish that! The constriction in my chest, that searing hot knife through the center of me- it's still there. But I know it won't be there forever.
Today is my birthday. I'm being constantly reminded that there are people in my life who love me. Maybe not in the romantic way I hope for, but in the unconditional, overwhelming, generous, enthusiastic, love-me-just-for-being-me way. I think it's about time I stop throwing a pity party for my heart, and start throwing myself into loving other people. I've spent too much time already being consumed by my own pain, and missing out on the pain other people feel. On their joys and triumphs, too. I think part of my healing will come from throwing myself into lives that aren't my own. If I stay too involved in my own, the pain and memories will just continue to drown me. There are other things in this world than me and my life and my pain and my hurt. People need to be loved. And if I can't receive love, I sure can give it.
God is so good.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Winky
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
New Goals, New Me
My roommate, a dietetics major and thoroughly knowledgeable about healthy eating, and I decided last night that we were tired of living in our normal, average bodies. We were going to go on a healthy-foods, low-calorie diet, and we were going to start exercising much more regularly. Both of us having been recently brokenhearted, we needed something to give our focus and attention to. What better than a new lifestyle? I've decided to share mine here for an added bonus of accountability.
I started this morning weighing 150.2 lbs, 2 lbs more than I weighed last week, which is a direct result of my hedonistic and luxurious eating habits this past weekend. My goal weight it 137 lbs, and my super goal weight is 135 lbs (simply because I'm not sure my frame can support that low a weight and still be healthy and toned). I must drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water daily, and exercise atleast 30 minutes, 5 times daily. Keep in mind this is a bare minimum, and I would like to exercise a full hour 5-6 times a week, making sure to keep one day for complete rest. I've decided working as a server does not count, and the hours I spend on my feet will in no way count as "exercise" toward this particular goal. The obstacle I can see most clearly at this point is that I tend to be absolutely exhausted after week, and incredibly lazy before work, so in order to meet this part of the goal (and still work 40 hours a week), I'm going to have to be way more dedicated than I am. I'm also planning to count calories. Every single one that I put in my body. I'm limiting myself to 1600 calories daily in order to lose weight at a healthy pace, but my goal is 1350 calories. So I'm shooting for 1350, but if I happen to trip over that line, as long as I don't go above 1600 I won't give myself too difficult a time, or too heavy a guilt trip.
So far today, for breakfast and lunch I've consumed 980. I went to Jimmy Johns with a friend and ate one of the healthiest choices on the menu (actually, only HALF of that sandwich) but that still was a huge hit to my count. And I've only had 14 ounces of water. So for my late afternoon snack and for dinner I only have 370 calories allotted. Looks like I'll be consuming a ton of vegetables and 50 more ounces of water and hoping my stomach won't be too unhappy with not enough breads and sugars, like it's used to.
These are my new goals. I have a great habit of starting a new goal and being really motivated for about a week, and then allowing it to just kind of piddle away... Here's to not allowing that negative habit to control me again!
Healthy = Happy
I started this morning weighing 150.2 lbs, 2 lbs more than I weighed last week, which is a direct result of my hedonistic and luxurious eating habits this past weekend. My goal weight it 137 lbs, and my super goal weight is 135 lbs (simply because I'm not sure my frame can support that low a weight and still be healthy and toned). I must drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water daily, and exercise atleast 30 minutes, 5 times daily. Keep in mind this is a bare minimum, and I would like to exercise a full hour 5-6 times a week, making sure to keep one day for complete rest. I've decided working as a server does not count, and the hours I spend on my feet will in no way count as "exercise" toward this particular goal. The obstacle I can see most clearly at this point is that I tend to be absolutely exhausted after week, and incredibly lazy before work, so in order to meet this part of the goal (and still work 40 hours a week), I'm going to have to be way more dedicated than I am. I'm also planning to count calories. Every single one that I put in my body. I'm limiting myself to 1600 calories daily in order to lose weight at a healthy pace, but my goal is 1350 calories. So I'm shooting for 1350, but if I happen to trip over that line, as long as I don't go above 1600 I won't give myself too difficult a time, or too heavy a guilt trip.
So far today, for breakfast and lunch I've consumed 980. I went to Jimmy Johns with a friend and ate one of the healthiest choices on the menu (actually, only HALF of that sandwich) but that still was a huge hit to my count. And I've only had 14 ounces of water. So for my late afternoon snack and for dinner I only have 370 calories allotted. Looks like I'll be consuming a ton of vegetables and 50 more ounces of water and hoping my stomach won't be too unhappy with not enough breads and sugars, like it's used to.
These are my new goals. I have a great habit of starting a new goal and being really motivated for about a week, and then allowing it to just kind of piddle away... Here's to not allowing that negative habit to control me again!
Healthy = Happy
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Re-evaluating My Life
It's that time, I suppose. A time to look on my life, see the areas of improvement, and seize them for what they are. The path I am currently on might not be the best for me, and it is just now occurring to me that I might be happier doing something other than what I am right now.
Currently, I am planning to apply to a master's of arts in teaching program at my alma mater and go into English and Theatre education- I'd like to teach high school. I went through a phase last summer where I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I needed to lay it all out on the table. It came down to a decision between going to seminary and majoring in girls' ministry, or going to a university and getting a masters in english/theatre education. Now I've been taking the semester off to get some bills paid, I've been enjoying a 6 month-long yoga teacher training program (which is rocking my world- in a good way), and I've been trying to figure out what is going to make me happiest, career-wise. I'm not so sure it's going to be teaching. Will I be happy in a 7-5 job teaching students, not information, but whatever is going to be on the next scheduled test? Will I be happy being so stuck "in the box"?
I've been thinking about getting my masters in counseling. Maybe at a seminary, maybe online. I'm still thinking about getting into yoga therapy, because I'm really into natural healing and teaching or reminding the body how to take care of itself (it was made for that, you know), and I know how incredible your body feels after a great yoga session. I would love to live my life making people's bodies healthier and happier. But I don't know that that is enough, either. I'd really like to help people find peace and happiness in their minds, in their emotions, in their every day lives. I would love to get into wholistic therapy, healing minds and bodies together. Is that possible? Can I provide therapy both with yoga and with counseling? Can I make a living with that? And is this the combination of work that will make me happy?
I know work isn't the thing in life you look to for happiness. But it can fulfill you, and you spend most of your awake time there, so it should be something you at least enjoy. And I want to make a difference with people. This could be the way. We'll see!
Currently, I am planning to apply to a master's of arts in teaching program at my alma mater and go into English and Theatre education- I'd like to teach high school. I went through a phase last summer where I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I needed to lay it all out on the table. It came down to a decision between going to seminary and majoring in girls' ministry, or going to a university and getting a masters in english/theatre education. Now I've been taking the semester off to get some bills paid, I've been enjoying a 6 month-long yoga teacher training program (which is rocking my world- in a good way), and I've been trying to figure out what is going to make me happiest, career-wise. I'm not so sure it's going to be teaching. Will I be happy in a 7-5 job teaching students, not information, but whatever is going to be on the next scheduled test? Will I be happy being so stuck "in the box"?
I've been thinking about getting my masters in counseling. Maybe at a seminary, maybe online. I'm still thinking about getting into yoga therapy, because I'm really into natural healing and teaching or reminding the body how to take care of itself (it was made for that, you know), and I know how incredible your body feels after a great yoga session. I would love to live my life making people's bodies healthier and happier. But I don't know that that is enough, either. I'd really like to help people find peace and happiness in their minds, in their emotions, in their every day lives. I would love to get into wholistic therapy, healing minds and bodies together. Is that possible? Can I provide therapy both with yoga and with counseling? Can I make a living with that? And is this the combination of work that will make me happy?
I know work isn't the thing in life you look to for happiness. But it can fulfill you, and you spend most of your awake time there, so it should be something you at least enjoy. And I want to make a difference with people. This could be the way. We'll see!
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