Tonight I had the great opportunity, challenge, and blessing to participate in a ministry for women who work in strip clubs. This was my second time participating, and I must say it was infinitely easier and less terrifying than the first time I went.
The first time I was asked to go I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. Furthermore, I was not in the Word, and I was NOT steeling myself with prayer and intercession. On top of that, apparently there were some very big issues from my past, both recent and childhood, that I had NOT dealt with and which, unfortunately, would affect me in a very big way during this first outing. Before we even arrived at the club I was already driven to tears. I sucked it up long enough to walk in, feel uncomfortable, terrified, and overwhelmingly inadequate during our half hour there, and then make it back to the car before bursting into tears once more. It did not go well for me that first visit. I struggled to make conversation, I struggled to ignore the male customers, I struggled to connect in any way with any one. It was by all definitions... rough.
Trial #2. The woman in charge of this ministry, Jessie, called me yesterday to ask if I would consider going with her to the club this month. I told her, very maturely I believe, that I would think and pray on it, and get back with her later in the evening. I spent a LOT of time in scripture, and a LOT of time in prayer. By that evening I still didn't know if I could do it, but I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to. I am called to ministry, I am called to love on the world, and that includes going places where people are hurting, even when it's uncomfortable or scary for me. Jessie ended up texting me to ask if I had decided, and I said yes. Unflinchingly. Scared, but confident that the Lord would go before us, and make a way. I can put myself aside and go where there is need.
So this morning when I woke up, I started praying. I continued all through my day at work, on my run afterward, during my down time right before I had to meet Jessie. Praying for clarity, for compassion, for the right words in the moment, for peace, for courage... I think I might have prayed for just about everything I could possibly have asked from the Lord. When I showed up at Jessie's house, all the fear and timidity rushed back, almost knocking me over. I sat quietly on her couch while she finished the cards for the girls, we made small talk as she allowed me to help finish their gifts. And then she started asking the tough questions: what are your concerns about tonight? do you have any questions? do you want to talk about anything before we go? I had to be honest. I shared my real concerns, my genuine fears, as humbling and humiliating as they felt. Jessie listened quietly, nodding with empathy, letting me talk it all out. She then shared her vision of this ministry... and it was full of the Lord's power, and His protection, and His desire for these girls to be shown genuine love and kindness, and healthy communication. As she spoke these words I just felt myself being anointed. I felt the Lord's power and protection surrounding us, and I knew He had given me the courage to GO.
So we went. We prayed and we went. And it was AMAZING. We carried armloads of gifts and cookies for the girls and the staff, greeting everyone we met. The first two girls we spoke to were surprisingly open and smiling, talking to us about their children, their pets, their other jobs. I suddenly had so much clarity, and so much to say! I bantered easily with them, finding out new and interesting things about them, laughing and smiling with them. It was really lovely. When they started talking about their kids in particular, I felt they were sharing something very personal and special to them, and I knew the Lord was smiling. Of course He had gone before us. Of course He was going to protect us. Of course He had magical and powerful things in store, and all He wanted was a willingness to go.
We spoke with two other girls in that room, and they were slow to speak or share, but talk they did. It was a shorter conversation, but I could feel the Lord working there as well.
We went to the dressing room to drop the gifts off and met, I think, 6 other women there. A few of them were chatty and welcoming, but many looked worn out, stressed out, angry, and heart-broken. It was a real eye-opener compared to the girls already out on the floor, most of whom had already steeled themselves in preparation for the night. I heard some really tragic stories in that dressing room, and because Jessie is who she is, and has been coming to this club for nearly 2 years now, the girls trusted her and opened up to her pretty immediately about some very deep issues they were dealing with. It was as if a light had walked into their midst and they just wanted any part of it they could get. It was remarkable the way many of them just threw their problems at her, because they knew she would be empathetic, understanding, and compassionate. And just watching her listen to those girls, look directly into their eyes, and hug them tightly showed me what true compassion and love really looks like.
The girls I met tonight were an incredible reminder of how much the world is hurting. Of how much the world needs... desperately needs... compassion and love and mercy. And how much the Lord needs a willingness to go.
Everyone has a story. We aren't always the clothes we wear, the attitude we put on, the face we create. It's so easy to judge a book by its cover: you got yourself into this mess, get yourself out; look at him, he's so sad, he probably can't do anything for himself; look at those clothes, she's just asking for it; or my personal favorite- I don't care, I have my own problems to deal with. We all have scars. We all are more than what we seem. And if you aren't willing to go, if you aren't willing to cast yourself aside, if you aren't willing to learn to love beyond your own means, who will?
The power of the Lord is an immense thing to behold. He goes before us, He goes with us. Who can stand against the Lord?
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