Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 6

To the table who fights over who's going to pay the check:

We don't care! It is not our responsibility to make the ultimate decision about who's going to pay the check. It is awkward, uncomfortable, and rude. We aren't going to fight with you...or for you. When we drop the check off and four pairs of hands reach for it, accompanied by a chorus of "IIII got it" or "It's miiiiine," servers cringe as if you've just dropped your recently-presented steaming-hot plate of well-done steak and lobster (which takes twenty minutes at LEAST to re-cook). It's just AWFUL. Especially when your friends get up from the table one by one, track us down at other tables, and attempt to persuade us that THEY are the one who gets the check.  OR if you (while at the table surrounded by all your friends) say something akin to, "If you don't give me the check, you ain't gittin' paid." That's the best.  So...if we don't give YOU the check, the bill is not getting paid? Or is it just me that isn't getting paid? Because either result ends poorly for us.

The solution: Decide amongst yourselves, before your server arrives, who will be paying. It really helps us not want to run away from your table, crying. Which is one of the goals of serving.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.