Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 8

To every person who thinks a restaurant is a drive-thru:

If you want fast food, go to a fast food joint, a diner, or even stay in your car and run through a drive-thru. Or go to the grocery and make food at home for yourself.  If you are in a rush, if you have to get somewhere quickly, it's probably not the best idea to go to a sit-down restaurant, particularly on a weekend night when the rest of the city is at the same restaurant. I'm sorry if your movie starts in 20 minutes, or if you have a doctor's visit in half an hour, but most restaurants (particularly of the fine-dining variety) do not offer 20-minute dining sessions. 

The solution: you should show up to a restaurant at least an hour and a half prior to any obligations you might have, and if it's a weekend (day OR night) it would be best to call ahead for reservations or, if no reservations are accepted, call ahead to find out if there is a wait. That'll give you a much better idea of what time to show up in order to get wherever you need to go whenever you need to get there. Or, you can simply not go to a sit-down restaurant before you HAVE to be somewhere. That way- you won't be stressed out, your server won't be stressed out, and no one will get mad or sad.  Sounds like a great plan to me!

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 7

To the person who walks in on his/her cellphone and continues talking/ignoring the server as the server approaches for a greet/order, etc...

Did you want service? Did you want to order? GET OFF YOUR PHONE BECAUSE THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END WON'T BE BRINGING YOUR FOOD.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 6

To the table who fights over who's going to pay the check:

We don't care! It is not our responsibility to make the ultimate decision about who's going to pay the check. It is awkward, uncomfortable, and rude. We aren't going to fight with you...or for you. When we drop the check off and four pairs of hands reach for it, accompanied by a chorus of "IIII got it" or "It's miiiiine," servers cringe as if you've just dropped your recently-presented steaming-hot plate of well-done steak and lobster (which takes twenty minutes at LEAST to re-cook). It's just AWFUL. Especially when your friends get up from the table one by one, track us down at other tables, and attempt to persuade us that THEY are the one who gets the check.  OR if you (while at the table surrounded by all your friends) say something akin to, "If you don't give me the check, you ain't gittin' paid." That's the best.  So...if we don't give YOU the check, the bill is not getting paid? Or is it just me that isn't getting paid? Because either result ends poorly for us.

The solution: Decide amongst yourselves, before your server arrives, who will be paying. It really helps us not want to run away from your table, crying. Which is one of the goals of serving.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 5

To anyone, for that matter, who stiffs a server for any reason other than not having one:

You have no idea what you're doing, or how it makes a server feel to literally wait hand and foot on you, only to be stiffed. Are you forgetting that your server is a human being?? Fully capable of having a life and all sorts of normal, everyday human feelings. You have come into his workplace and SPAT in his face. You have basically said, with your neglecting a tip (or perhaps your intentional lack of tipping), that he is dirt, that he is worthless, and that you could care less about whether or not you completely dissolve his entire concept of self-worth.  I'm sure you don't really care, or never really think about the affects of not tipping, but I guarantee you your server does. Nothing takes the wind out of your sails the way seeing $0 on the tip line after spending an hour of your life catering to every need and whim of the next faceless garbage disposal at your table. Which, of course, is not how we see you.

Seriously if you can't, or won't, tip your server, don't go into a place that requires someone to SERVE YOU. Unless you're super-cool with modern-day slavery, of course. Ya jerk.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 4

To the welfare family who spends $100 on dinner at the beginning of every month, only to not have enough to tip your server:

I understand that getting a check in the mail can create excitement. It's money you didn't have before- it's almost like Christmas! I understand- you want to celebrate. But when you go to a sit-down restaurant and take up space and time from a server who is probably just as poor as you are, and then not tip them (because you "can't afford it"), it's not only rude and hurtful, it's stealing. It's basically the equivalent of indentured servitude. Servers work for a ridiculously small wage (in many cases as low as $2 an hour), and we live solely based on tips (as ol' Uncle Sam gets all our "paycheck").

Your coming in to make us wait on you without paying us literally is slavery. We HAVE to wait on you while you sit at our table, and if you choose not to tip us, then we DON'T pay our bills. There's nothing we can do about it.

Solution? Maybe... if you are on welfare and you really depend on that monthly check....just maybe, you don't go out to a sit down restaurant like clockwork, spend all the "extra" money you have on that celebratory meal, and then stiff your server. If you don't have enough money left over to pay a server for their work, don't spend as much. OR go to a fast food joint that sells similarly tasting food and enjoy a server-free environment. Good luck!

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 3

To the parents who allow their toddler to turn bread/macaroni/mashed potatoes/crayons/etc... into their own personal, nuclear playground:

Do you know how difficult it is to get mashed potatoes out of CARPET? Of course you don't, you feed your child in the kitchen or dining room which, luckily, has linoleum in it, or wood, or...NOT carpet. Do you know how LONG it takes to rake bread crumbs up from said carpet? A stinking loooooong time. Not only do you allow your child to create world war 3 with his or her food, but you also allow them to color on the table with the crayons we provide (we also provide paper for coloring on), and you allow them to place stickers on the edge of the table that then have to be scraped off with the equivalent of a paint scraper (for reals, though).

On top of this, you don't tip your server NEARLY enough to clean up after your atomic child. Seriously- shame on you! I would bet a lot of money you don't let your house look like that. If you don't allow your child to get cray cray in your own home, why do you allow such misbehavior at a restaurant? It's senseless. And rude, also. And senseless.

The solution? Keep your child in check, or tip your server extra to clean up all that mess.  It genuinely makes servers want to quit their jobs when they see a family come in with a young child that will inevitably make the biggest mess on the planet. Seriously, the Cuban Missile Crisis is less terrifying to a server facing cleaning up after a toddler.

And thank you for your patronage.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 2

To the lady who thinks she's the only guest in the restaurant:

Boy, do we have news for you. Most restaurants give a specific number of tables to each server and it is ALWAYS more than one. We realize that sometimes you're in a rush, sometimes you're starving to death (give my regards to the orphans in Somalia), and always people are at their worst when they're hungry. However, you are not our only focus. We have other tables that are seated with other guests, all of whom have needs just as important as yours. We also have side work that is constantly needing to be updated. You want extra ice in that sweet tea? Where do you think we get that from? Because that ice machine is NOT in the front of the restaurant. For that matter, you want more sweet tea? Living in Kentucky, so does everyone else in this state. Think we have an extra crewmember whose only job is to make sweet tea? Nope. That's a server responsibility. Want a fresh salad with that meal? That's made by your server. All while dressing and walking food, re-filling drinks and bread baskets, pre-bussing dirty plates off your table (so you can have room for new plates of food), and bussing and cleaning other tables so more guests can come in and demand attention.

Solution? Have some patience with us. Sometimes there isn't a bartender working, sometimes a manager is busy and can't take that cup of soup (that you decided didn't taste good enough) off of your check, sometimes we are just overwhelmed with the 15 guests we are currently running around taking care of. We promise we're not ignoring you. 999,999,999,998 out of 999,999,999,999 times we are simply very, very, very busy and don't have time to take care of ONLY YOU. Patience would be much appreciated, and will result in a more relaxed server who is much better prepared to take care of you, and grateful for your patience, to boot.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case. 

Andi's Server Soap Box Vol. 1

To the old lady who tells her old lady friends she'll meet them at the restaurant, only to leave them (and their server) awkwardly waiting at the table without ordering for a ridiculous amount of time. "Is she going to show up?" "I don't know, she said she would..." "Should we order, or wait longer?" "I'm not sure, maybe we should try to call her again...":

ARE you going to show up? Not only does this leave your friends in an awkward and slightly uncomfortable situation, but you also leave their server in an awkward and slightly uncomfortable situation. It is our JOB to take care of guests sitting at our tables, and when we have guests sitting for a long, long time without ordering, what are we supposed to do? Continue bringing bread so they fill up on that? Stop checking on them because it sucks to continually have to reassure a server that they are fine, but just not ready yet?

If the guests are under a time constraint and they wait forever for you to show up....we can't hurry the cooking process.  Your well-done steak is still going to take 20 minutes. Chicken still has to cook for a specific amount of time so you don't die from salmonella poisoning. That's a real thing!

Further, WHEN you show up, and your server is dealing with a party of 6 or 7 or...21, we have a lot to do other than hurry to your table the instant you decide to grace your friends with your presence.
FURTHER, when a server works in a restaurant with a set amount of tables allowed, and your friends show up 30 minutes before you do, that takes one of our tables out of rotation and we make way less money than we should/normally do/need to. So when you, old lady, show up LATE to your already-seated party, you order a tiny, tiny lunch that costs $12, and leave less than 10% of that because you think that's still a lot of money, we as servers HATE YOU. We got bills, too. And we make $2.13 an hour outside of tips. So when you cause your sweet old lady friends to take up one of our precious tables for an hour and leave far less than you should...we just can't rock that.

So it leaves us all in a lurch. Solution? Show up all at once! If you MUST be late, don't show up more than 5 minutes after your friends arrive. Or, if you're going to be a long while, make sure your friend(s) know that so they don't go sit down and wait awkwardly at a table where a seething, furious server has to watch every other server on shift at the time make twice as much as he or she.

This rant is based on past personal experience and/or past experience of other servers in various restaurants. If you think this is about you, you should remember that any resemblance or similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. And you should also probably take a good, long look in the mirror before you go out to eat again. 

Just in case.

Discouragement Encouragement

As you know, I've been reading Doug Fields' book Your First Two Years In Youth Ministry and it is SO good. There is so much truth in it- I find myself, instead of taking notes, just copying down the entire book in my journal. Makes for great memorization, but difficult on the hands.

I just finished reading the chapter on dealing with discouragement, and it was really eye-opening. I won't go into all the details (because you definitely need to read this book yourself...and then give a copy to someone you know in youth ministry), but I did want to share some of the insight revealed to me in some of the end-of-chapter discussion questions.

Do you have a thoughtful plan for dealing with discouragement? If so, what is it?
   1. Go to God. Spend time in prayer and in scripture, finding my encouragement and fulfillment in who He is, not in who I am or what I do.
   2. Go back through my journal(s). Remind myself of God's faithfulness, support, and sovereignty.
   3. Go through my Affirmation Folder (Fields encourages you to keep notes or letters of affirmation you receive about your ministry) (Because Words of Affirmation is my primary love language, this is an especially powerful step). Remind myself that others are affected by my ministry, even when I don't feel adequate.
    4. Go to a mentor. Remind myself that I'm not on this journey alone, and as I make myself available to encourage others, so they will do the same for me. We are, together, the body of Christ, and where the hands cannot be the feet, the feet can rise up for support when called upon. 1 Cor. 12:12-27.

Do you have days throughout the week when you consciously get alone time in order to get refreshed?
   God has been waking me up super early every morning to spend time with me. It is delicious. This has and will continue to be my habit. I COULD, however, use more alone time throughout my day. In the midst of working two+ jobs and doing full-time ministry, my days are long and very busy. Alone time does not only mean reading my bible, though. Here are other ways in which I can spend alone time for refreshment:
      *watching tv/movie
      *taking myself to the movies
      *going to the gym/working out at home/going on a run
      *reading for pleasure
      *knitting
      *taking someone else's yoga class
      *sitting outside, enjoying the weather
      *sitting in a coffee shop
      *going on a walk/hike by myself
      *going on a walk/hike with a friend
      *scrapbooking
This is not an exhaustive list, simply an introduction to the idea of "Me Time." I can add to it as needed or desired.

Doug Fields says that discouragement ebbs and flows like an ocean tide. It isn't simply battled and overcome one time, and then the rest of your life is a breeze. I need to be ready for it whenever it decides to attack (which will always be untimely, painful, lonely, and selfish). But I do feel that I have a prepared plan of defense for when it comes to call. I encourage you to do the same. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and when you have a bad day, you won't be caught unawares, but ready for whatever may come.

Acts 12

This is one of my favorite stories in the New Testament. So much truth!  This is the story of Peter's miraculous escape from prison. (If you haven't read it before, take a moment to check it out now, before you read on). Here are some truths God revealed to me:

Peter was in prison for preaching and teaching the gospel...basically for being part of the church (church meaning a group of people dedicated to following, and discipling others to follow, the teaching's of Christ...not church meaning a building).  James, his brother in Christ, has JUST been killed for the same reason that Peter was now in prison. It was the night before his scheduled "trial," and what was Peter doing? Sleeping. Not only was he completely asleep, but he was so deeply asleep, that when an angel of the Lord showed up to rescue him, he thought he was dreaming. First and foremost, that is a man deeply relaxed. He clearly trusted in the Lord, even to death. That is some faith.

So the angel of the Lord showed up to rescue Peter, and scripture says  "a light shone in the cell" (v.7) but even that didn't wake him up. So the angel "struck Peter on the side." Again- that is some DEEP SLEEP.  Peter wasn't playing around with his faith. He knew God was going to either deliver him, or let him meet Him face to face. And he was good with either outcome.

So the angel showed up, woke Peter, and brought him out of prison. Peter didn't snap out of it and realize reality was slapping him in the face until the angel left him in the streets, far away from the prison. Not only had Peter walked out of prison, but he did so with "four squads of four soldiers each" (v.4) watching him, and "passing by the first and second guards... [they] came to the IRON GATE leading to the city. It opened for them BY ITSELF, and they went through it" (v.10, emphasis mine). What?? Guards, whose only job was to WATCH PRISONERS, suddenly were asleep or blind to a physical man physically walking by them? They knew what would happen if a prisoner escaped (v.19). This wasn't new news to them. They had a lot riding on keeping prisoners IN PRISON. But the Lord rescues. Period. And nothing man can do can stop Him.

Meanwhile, while all this was happening, the church was gathered together, praying for Peter's rescue.  Not only were they praying, scripture says in v. 5 that they were earnestly praying. Their prayers had some gusto. They, too, knew that James had just been killed for the same reason Peter was in prison. They knew what was to happen. But they also knew that God is a living, listening God, and that He was faithful and would answer them. Scripture says not only once, but twice that people were gathered together, praying. Obviously, this is an important lesson for us. Prayer is pretty important- we should be interceding for people at all times, and earnestly. We should know that God hears us, and is listening to what we say.

Two things strike me most about this passage. First- Peter knows where to go. He knows to show up at Mary-the-mother-of-John's house. This is where everyone had gathered to pray. Had he at one time or another gathered at this same place with the church? Did he know there would be people there, praying for him? Or did he simply feel this was a safe place to go after walking out of prison? I really believe he knew this would be where his church, his family, was. He could have gone anywhere, but he showed up here, a place owned by a woman who had been actively involved in the lives of Jesus' disciples and their ministries. He knew what was up.

Second- when he knocked on the door, two things happened.  The servant girl knew the sound of his voice without seeing his face. She knew it so well, she ran back to the church gathered, without opening the door to let Peter in, to tell them he had showed up. Here, again, is an incredible testament to true faith. She was, no doubt, in the midst of the church praying for Peter's rescue. I have no doubt she also knew the small likelihood of his rescue, owing to those guards we recently talked about. And yet, when he knocked on the door and called out that it was Peter, she not only recognized his voice alone (proving he had definitely been there before, and often) but she believed in his rescue, and was overjoyed (v.14) to the point that she forgot to let him in. Wow. Amazing.  The second thing that happened was that the church (who had been earnestly praying to the Lord for Peter) not only doubted his rescue, but told the servant girl she was "out of [her] mind."

.....

So they had not just been praying, but praying EARNESTLY for the rescue of Peter... but when it happened, they doubted? What?

What did they think was going to happen? Why were they praying, if all they were going to do was not believe? Did they really believe God was listening? Did they believe He could deliver Peter? Or not? And if they didn't believe, why were they praying? And if they did believe, why did they doubt when he showed up at their doorstep?  Further, when the servant girl "kept insisting" (obviously some time had gone by), they said, "It must be his angel" (v.15)

.....

 No big deal. We'll just pray to the Lord for rescue, or an answer, or something, and then when He delivers, we'll pass it off as coincidence. Isn't that so like us? Please, God, answer me. Send me a sign. Show me You're here!  ...Oh, that gust of wind? Oh, the power just flickered on and off? Oh, my favorite worship song came on the radio? Huh. Funny coincidence.

When the church finally wised up and went to see who, in fact, was at the door, they opened it, and "were astonished" (v.16). 

Why are we so amazed when God does what we ask Him to do? Why are we so shocked when He shows up? If we believe in God, we must believe God, too. And if we ask Him for things and He delivers, we must give Him the glory for it, and not the doubt of our own unbelieving, skeptical hearts. He's faithful. Even when we aren't. And we can't blame Him for our misguided mis-belief. Have some faith when you pray! And when He shows up, know that it's because He loves you and listens to you, and wants to give you the desires of your heart.

So when people in your life (or perhaps people you don't even know) are in trouble, pray earnestly for them, intercede for them, and trust that God will show up. Because Hi will.

Praise Him.

So We Were In This Meeting...

My church has an incredible student ministry which I am blessed to be a part of. We are called "youth coaches" and we spend our time pouring our lives and love and wisdom into high school students. None of the youth groups I was ever a part of had college students (or beyond) that were involved or volunteered or even wanted to spend time with us. So being part of a ministry that surrounds students in community and interaction and fellowship has been one of the singularly most impacting experiences of my life.

Our goal, as youth coaches, is to encourage these students, to draw them out of adolescence (which isn't even a biblical term) and into adulthood. We meet regularly on Wednesdays, leading them in worship and an in-depth look at a word from the Lord. We meet regularly on Fridays, drawing them into intense, in-depth discussions and teaching sessions about facts in the Bible, hermeneutics, apologetics, theology, etc... it's very much like a college course on the Bible. We regularly engage with them during small group meetings, discussing application of the bible in our lives, and topics like sex, dating, physical boundaries, self-image/self-worth, how to apply our faith in school, etc... And then we have spontaneous events like hiking trips, an Ultimate Frisbee afternoon, a board game night.  All with the purpose of impressing upon these students their worth, their importance, and the love of Christ for them.

We coaches have a regular meeting every other week wherein we discuss issues we personally are facing in our ministry, problems the students have been dealing with, and what plans we can make for the next few weeks as a leadership team.

In the most recent meeting, I was really convicted about what and how I've been teaching my personal small group.  Not that I've been leading them astray by any means, but I felt that I haven't been reaching the full potential offered me in that time with them.  Am I preparing fully for our discussions, or what the students might bring to the table? Am I giving them the time to struggle through responses before giving them answers or suggestions? Am I seeking the Lord's guidance in the topics? I'm not sure that I am.  In the moment, the Lord impressed upon me a series of questions to keep me accountable with that time.  Here is His Word:

In My Personal Sphere of Influence With These Students:

1. Am I making disciples, first and foremost? (Matt 28:19)
2. Am I teaching them ALL He commands? (Matt 28:20) (2 Tim 4:2)
3. Am I teaching them to OBEY His commands? (Matt 28:20)
4. Am I esteeming myself? (Phil 2:3-5)
5. Am I looking for popularity or favor with them?
6. Am I teaching them WHO Jesus is?
7. Am I teaching them to love Jesus? (Luke 10:27)
8. Am I giving God the glory and focus?
9. Am I teaching them to make disciples? (Gal 6:6)
10. Am I using every available moment as a teaching moment (Just as Jesus did throughout His entire ministry)?

My prayer is that as these thoughts from the Lord rebuke and encourage me, they might also be useful to you in your ministry and fellowship with others.  Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

My Ninja Master Moment

I was sitting in my room, doing something...maybe talking on the phone, or watching tv, or roaming the 'net. I don't really remember. What I do remember is putting my book or computer or phone down, turning around....and face-planting into a spider who had decided to drop down to visit me from the ceiling. All I know was that it was giant and black and....giant. And angry. Probably.

I immediately turned into a NINJA MASTER, whacking away at that thing with all my might. I was HIYA-ing and KIYA-ing and WAAAAA-ing with all my muster. As soon as I was sure it was dead, I took inventory of the damage done. I had inadvertently ripped my own nose ring out, threw it across the room, and also tore a chunk of skin off the tip of my nose. My nose was bleeding, and my eyes were tearing. I looked somewhat like Rudolf.

Still won, though.

You should see the other guy.