Tonight I had the great opportunity, challenge, and blessing to participate in a ministry for women who work in strip clubs. This was my second time participating, and I must say it was infinitely easier and less terrifying than the first time I went.
The first time I was asked to go I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. Furthermore, I was not in the Word, and I was NOT steeling myself with prayer and intercession. On top of that, apparently there were some very big issues from my past, both recent and childhood, that I had NOT dealt with and which, unfortunately, would affect me in a very big way during this first outing. Before we even arrived at the club I was already driven to tears. I sucked it up long enough to walk in, feel uncomfortable, terrified, and overwhelmingly inadequate during our half hour there, and then make it back to the car before bursting into tears once more. It did not go well for me that first visit. I struggled to make conversation, I struggled to ignore the male customers, I struggled to connect in any way with any one. It was by all definitions... rough.
Trial #2. The woman in charge of this ministry, Jessie, called me yesterday to ask if I would consider going with her to the club this month. I told her, very maturely I believe, that I would think and pray on it, and get back with her later in the evening. I spent a LOT of time in scripture, and a LOT of time in prayer. By that evening I still didn't know if I could do it, but I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to. I am called to ministry, I am called to love on the world, and that includes going places where people are hurting, even when it's uncomfortable or scary for me. Jessie ended up texting me to ask if I had decided, and I said yes. Unflinchingly. Scared, but confident that the Lord would go before us, and make a way. I can put myself aside and go where there is need.
So this morning when I woke up, I started praying. I continued all through my day at work, on my run afterward, during my down time right before I had to meet Jessie. Praying for clarity, for compassion, for the right words in the moment, for peace, for courage... I think I might have prayed for just about everything I could possibly have asked from the Lord. When I showed up at Jessie's house, all the fear and timidity rushed back, almost knocking me over. I sat quietly on her couch while she finished the cards for the girls, we made small talk as she allowed me to help finish their gifts. And then she started asking the tough questions: what are your concerns about tonight? do you have any questions? do you want to talk about anything before we go? I had to be honest. I shared my real concerns, my genuine fears, as humbling and humiliating as they felt. Jessie listened quietly, nodding with empathy, letting me talk it all out. She then shared her vision of this ministry... and it was full of the Lord's power, and His protection, and His desire for these girls to be shown genuine love and kindness, and healthy communication. As she spoke these words I just felt myself being anointed. I felt the Lord's power and protection surrounding us, and I knew He had given me the courage to GO.
So we went. We prayed and we went. And it was AMAZING. We carried armloads of gifts and cookies for the girls and the staff, greeting everyone we met. The first two girls we spoke to were surprisingly open and smiling, talking to us about their children, their pets, their other jobs. I suddenly had so much clarity, and so much to say! I bantered easily with them, finding out new and interesting things about them, laughing and smiling with them. It was really lovely. When they started talking about their kids in particular, I felt they were sharing something very personal and special to them, and I knew the Lord was smiling. Of course He had gone before us. Of course He was going to protect us. Of course He had magical and powerful things in store, and all He wanted was a willingness to go.
We spoke with two other girls in that room, and they were slow to speak or share, but talk they did. It was a shorter conversation, but I could feel the Lord working there as well.
We went to the dressing room to drop the gifts off and met, I think, 6 other women there. A few of them were chatty and welcoming, but many looked worn out, stressed out, angry, and heart-broken. It was a real eye-opener compared to the girls already out on the floor, most of whom had already steeled themselves in preparation for the night. I heard some really tragic stories in that dressing room, and because Jessie is who she is, and has been coming to this club for nearly 2 years now, the girls trusted her and opened up to her pretty immediately about some very deep issues they were dealing with. It was as if a light had walked into their midst and they just wanted any part of it they could get. It was remarkable the way many of them just threw their problems at her, because they knew she would be empathetic, understanding, and compassionate. And just watching her listen to those girls, look directly into their eyes, and hug them tightly showed me what true compassion and love really looks like.
The girls I met tonight were an incredible reminder of how much the world is hurting. Of how much the world needs... desperately needs... compassion and love and mercy. And how much the Lord needs a willingness to go.
Everyone has a story. We aren't always the clothes we wear, the attitude we put on, the face we create. It's so easy to judge a book by its cover: you got yourself into this mess, get yourself out; look at him, he's so sad, he probably can't do anything for himself; look at those clothes, she's just asking for it; or my personal favorite- I don't care, I have my own problems to deal with. We all have scars. We all are more than what we seem. And if you aren't willing to go, if you aren't willing to cast yourself aside, if you aren't willing to learn to love beyond your own means, who will?
The power of the Lord is an immense thing to behold. He goes before us, He goes with us. Who can stand against the Lord?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
My First 5K!
This morning I ran my first official 5K. It was for EKU's Homecoming, and it was incredible. The day didn't start out well, however.
I woke up super early, which was unfortunate since I didn't get to sleep until late the night before. When I woke up, however, the sun was streaming through my window...all signs pointing toward greatness. I was encouraged to walk to the registration area, since the road might be closed due to the upcoming parade (following directly after the start of the 5K). So I walked. And walked. And walked and walked and walked. Speedily. We aren't talking leisurely stroll. I had somewhere to be! Nearly a mile and a half later, I finally get there. "Is this where we pick up our numbers for the 5K?" The reply: "No, sorry. It's at the other gym." AWESOME. I am not happy. I'm really, really frustrated, and really, really concerned that I'm going to be too tired to finish the run.
But after another quarter mile walk, I arrive at the actual registration site, get my number and my sweet shirt, and run downstairs to the locker rooms to change. Well...the shirt was a medium. In most cases this is no problem, because shirts run small usually. However, this particular shirt was HUGE. Absolutely enormous. It actually looked like a dress. So, I'm already tired AND I'm running in a dress. This stinks. Luckily, my running buddy Casey is THE most selfless, caring, considerate person on the planet and graciously offered her small shirt in exchange for my medium. Realizing how selfish this is of me to accept, I do so anyway, under her encouragement that she wouldn't wear the shirt after today anyway (yeah right, Casey...but you're too incredible to let me feel bad, so you lie anyway. Lovely girl).
So finally we both arrive at the starting line (another quarter mile away), to be greeted by tons of friends, smiles, and well-wishers. We get a few minutes of quick stretching in, and the race is on! I didn't realize we would be running on the roads, and in front of a parade, so the entire town had filed out to watch the whole thing. We ran past hundreds and hundreds of people, all clapping and cheering. It was really encouraging, and somewhat distracting, and I got a little more winded in the first mile and a half than I would have liked. But it was really cool to run in front of a crowd, and to hear people cheering us on. Unexpected, and really official-feeling.
We ran up SO MANY HILLS. And they were STEEP. It was rough. I really hoped to finish the run without walking at all, but around the mile and 3/4 mark, when we were literally running up the side of Mount Everest, I needed a break. I made it to the top, and then Casey and I walked (quickly) for a few seconds so I could catch my breath. I felt a little disappointed, but then I thought of the 2 miles I speed-walked directly before the race and I let that comfort me a little.
Casey and I walked twice more, for a very short amount of time, and finished the run in 37:07. Not too bad considering. We were greeted with water and oranges, and high fives all around from friends who finished before us. It was an incredible experience. I'm so grateful I had the opportunity and courage to participate. It was a big step for me, and I'm so thankful to have friends who can encourage and push me past where I think I can go. What a day.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Update, Schmupdate
Wow. Life is CRAZY. And AMAZING. So much has been going on!
This blog started as a record of my journey toward finding a career, or at least figuring out what I'm doing with my life right now, so I'll start out with an update on my job: I recently had an informal interview to become a Service Professional at Red Lobster. Basically I'd be doing the same thing I do anyway on weekend nights, I would just have more authority to help other servers out with issues in the dining room, rowdy tables, and messed up checks. I don't want to become a manager with this company, because I'm called to other things, but I'm definitely going to stay with this company until I find a full-time position at a church as a Girls' Minister. Red Lobster is huge and I can travel anywhere I need to go and still have a job. I'm hoping to hear back, and positively, soon.
In the area of yoga, amazing things are happening. My students are growing in leaps and bounds, breaking down physical and emotional boundaries more and more every week. Poses are becoming more accessible to them, and to myself, as I continue growing along with them. Admittedly, I'm not taking classes enough for myself, having a schedule that rivals the President's, but I'm still working as often as I can. My students can't grow if their teacher is not growing.
As most of you know, I've been running off and on since this past spring. Well...more off than on if I'm completely honest with myself. There is a loop around campus from my house that measures 2.2 miles. My roomie and I used to run it every once and awhile, and my bestie and I got into a really sweet habit of walking it every other night this summer. But I haven't really been faithful in continuing to train. I started running with my friend Casey 2-3 times a week, just to have an opportunity to hang out with her. The farthest I could ever go was just over 2 miles, and that was a streeettttccchhhh. I decided to go ahead and sign up to run the EKU Homecoming 5K, because...well... why not? It's only 3.1 miles. Since signing up for it, our schedules have gotten completely overwhelming, and we haven't had a chance to run together in 2 weeks. Earlier this week, after having taken 10 whole days off, I decided I'd give it another go. The 5K is this weekend, I should at least attempt to run a little. I started at 2 1/2 miles. I thought I'd conquered the world. My elation was unparalleled. After work, two days later, I threw on my running shoes and hit the pavement. I was back at my old loop, thinking I'll just run this 2.2 and be finished for the day. A little less than a quarter mile from home, I felt God asking me to just keep going. What was I going to lose? "Yes, Lord." And so I did. I just kept going! And 53 minutes, 41 seconds and 4.66 miles later, I was finished. 4.66 MILES!! Unbelievable!! It really is a mental game. Once I hit the 2 mile mark, the world is mine! I feel SO good about myself, and SO good about my first official 5K (which rocks my world tomorrow). Breaking down walls one step at a time!
It's also gotten cold enough that I've taken up my favorite wintry activity: knitting and crocheting! I feel complete again. So far this month I've completed 4 slouchy hats, and started work on a new pair of mittens. Also, I started a stitching group for the women of my church. We meet every other Thursday at a local coffee shop for 2 1/2 hours to talk, laugh, enjoy being outside our homes and, of course, get our winter projects finished. I know I'm such a grandma, but it brings me so much joy!
Speaking of church, you know we've been on a 3 week rotation interpreter-wise (2 weeks on, 1 week off), and I've really struggled with it. I hate not interpreting every week. This is the first time in 7 years I've sat through a service without signing anything at all, and it stinks. BUT it's given me an incredible opportunity to volunteer elsewhere in church on my week off. I've become a greeter! Ha, never thought I'd go there. But, indeed, I have. On my week off, which is my week of greeting, I go to both services, hand out things, hold doors open, and just in general welcome people to church. Beyond that, it's given me the opportunity to meet new people. As an interpreter, I spend 100% of my time near or on the stage. The first thing I do when I show up is run to the sanctuary to meet with the other interpreter, figure out who is doing what, and greet the Deaf member(s). Then we spend the whole service interpreting under lights that DO NOT allow you to see past the first row, and after the service I spend 20 minutes getting feedback from the other interpreter(s) and Deaf member(s). So by the time I make it back out to the lobby everyone is gone. I didn't realize how much my eyes have been shut to the other members of my church. Having the opportunity to stand at a door and say hello to everyone has been such an awesome blessing. I've met more people in my church in one week of greeting than in an entire year of interpreting. I get to greet again this coming Sunday. And while I'll miss interpreting, I greatly look forward to meeting more new friends, and seeing old ones.
Also, after church we've been going to my pastor's house for lunch (all college-aged students...and some a little older......me......), and that has morphed into an in-depth discussion of relationships, dating, singlehood, and the innards of male and female thought and behavior. We affectionately call it Table Talk, because it started around a table in the kitchen one random Sunday afternoon.
Further, after that's all said and done, a small portion from this group have gone out to the local park to play ultimate frisbee and soccer the last several Sundays followed by, of course, more eating. It's been SUCH JOY to play soccer again! I've lost any resemblance to skill I once had, and ALL my endurance, but I LOVE IT. I'm devastated that winter's a'comin' and soccer will most likely have to be put on the backburner until it warms up. But I could definitely be up for a Snow Cup or two.
In conclusion...I have so much to be thankful for. I lead such an incredibly blessed, joyful life. Shame on me for complaining about dumb, impermanent things. So what if I have a rough day? So what if things don't go my way? The Lord is a pursuer, and He shows me daily that He thinks I'm lovely enough to invest in, again and again and again, even if I'm blind to what He's doing. May I never lose sight of the small, incredible things the Lord does to tell me He loves me.
Currently watching: a Friends marathon.
This blog started as a record of my journey toward finding a career, or at least figuring out what I'm doing with my life right now, so I'll start out with an update on my job: I recently had an informal interview to become a Service Professional at Red Lobster. Basically I'd be doing the same thing I do anyway on weekend nights, I would just have more authority to help other servers out with issues in the dining room, rowdy tables, and messed up checks. I don't want to become a manager with this company, because I'm called to other things, but I'm definitely going to stay with this company until I find a full-time position at a church as a Girls' Minister. Red Lobster is huge and I can travel anywhere I need to go and still have a job. I'm hoping to hear back, and positively, soon.
In the area of yoga, amazing things are happening. My students are growing in leaps and bounds, breaking down physical and emotional boundaries more and more every week. Poses are becoming more accessible to them, and to myself, as I continue growing along with them. Admittedly, I'm not taking classes enough for myself, having a schedule that rivals the President's, but I'm still working as often as I can. My students can't grow if their teacher is not growing.
As most of you know, I've been running off and on since this past spring. Well...more off than on if I'm completely honest with myself. There is a loop around campus from my house that measures 2.2 miles. My roomie and I used to run it every once and awhile, and my bestie and I got into a really sweet habit of walking it every other night this summer. But I haven't really been faithful in continuing to train. I started running with my friend Casey 2-3 times a week, just to have an opportunity to hang out with her. The farthest I could ever go was just over 2 miles, and that was a streeettttccchhhh. I decided to go ahead and sign up to run the EKU Homecoming 5K, because...well... why not? It's only 3.1 miles. Since signing up for it, our schedules have gotten completely overwhelming, and we haven't had a chance to run together in 2 weeks. Earlier this week, after having taken 10 whole days off, I decided I'd give it another go. The 5K is this weekend, I should at least attempt to run a little. I started at 2 1/2 miles. I thought I'd conquered the world. My elation was unparalleled. After work, two days later, I threw on my running shoes and hit the pavement. I was back at my old loop, thinking I'll just run this 2.2 and be finished for the day. A little less than a quarter mile from home, I felt God asking me to just keep going. What was I going to lose? "Yes, Lord." And so I did. I just kept going! And 53 minutes, 41 seconds and 4.66 miles later, I was finished. 4.66 MILES!! Unbelievable!! It really is a mental game. Once I hit the 2 mile mark, the world is mine! I feel SO good about myself, and SO good about my first official 5K (which rocks my world tomorrow). Breaking down walls one step at a time!
It's also gotten cold enough that I've taken up my favorite wintry activity: knitting and crocheting! I feel complete again. So far this month I've completed 4 slouchy hats, and started work on a new pair of mittens. Also, I started a stitching group for the women of my church. We meet every other Thursday at a local coffee shop for 2 1/2 hours to talk, laugh, enjoy being outside our homes and, of course, get our winter projects finished. I know I'm such a grandma, but it brings me so much joy!
Speaking of church, you know we've been on a 3 week rotation interpreter-wise (2 weeks on, 1 week off), and I've really struggled with it. I hate not interpreting every week. This is the first time in 7 years I've sat through a service without signing anything at all, and it stinks. BUT it's given me an incredible opportunity to volunteer elsewhere in church on my week off. I've become a greeter! Ha, never thought I'd go there. But, indeed, I have. On my week off, which is my week of greeting, I go to both services, hand out things, hold doors open, and just in general welcome people to church. Beyond that, it's given me the opportunity to meet new people. As an interpreter, I spend 100% of my time near or on the stage. The first thing I do when I show up is run to the sanctuary to meet with the other interpreter, figure out who is doing what, and greet the Deaf member(s). Then we spend the whole service interpreting under lights that DO NOT allow you to see past the first row, and after the service I spend 20 minutes getting feedback from the other interpreter(s) and Deaf member(s). So by the time I make it back out to the lobby everyone is gone. I didn't realize how much my eyes have been shut to the other members of my church. Having the opportunity to stand at a door and say hello to everyone has been such an awesome blessing. I've met more people in my church in one week of greeting than in an entire year of interpreting. I get to greet again this coming Sunday. And while I'll miss interpreting, I greatly look forward to meeting more new friends, and seeing old ones.
Also, after church we've been going to my pastor's house for lunch (all college-aged students...and some a little older......me......), and that has morphed into an in-depth discussion of relationships, dating, singlehood, and the innards of male and female thought and behavior. We affectionately call it Table Talk, because it started around a table in the kitchen one random Sunday afternoon.
Further, after that's all said and done, a small portion from this group have gone out to the local park to play ultimate frisbee and soccer the last several Sundays followed by, of course, more eating. It's been SUCH JOY to play soccer again! I've lost any resemblance to skill I once had, and ALL my endurance, but I LOVE IT. I'm devastated that winter's a'comin' and soccer will most likely have to be put on the backburner until it warms up. But I could definitely be up for a Snow Cup or two.
In conclusion...I have so much to be thankful for. I lead such an incredibly blessed, joyful life. Shame on me for complaining about dumb, impermanent things. So what if I have a rough day? So what if things don't go my way? The Lord is a pursuer, and He shows me daily that He thinks I'm lovely enough to invest in, again and again and again, even if I'm blind to what He's doing. May I never lose sight of the small, incredible things the Lord does to tell me He loves me.
Currently watching: a Friends marathon.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Growth
Praise the Lord for second chances: the chance to grow... the belief in me that I CAN grow, that I have potential.
This has been an incredible autumn so far! I have been challenged, uncomfortable, pushed past my personal boundaries, encouraged past my limitations. It's been beautiful.
My best friend in the whole world and I have been co-leading a small group of college women for our church. It's been a real eye-opener for me in terms of what I am called to do, what that looks like, and how I need to throw everything else to the wind and, finally, run after the Lord. Sarah and I have always held each other accountable for our words, our actions, even our very thoughts. But since we've started leading these women, we've been encouraged to go beyond even that into discipling each other, challenging each other, and building each other up even more than we already have. She's always been my Paul, and I her Timothy, but that relationship has become even stronger, even more blessed, than I could ever have imagined a friendship could be. I am so, so lucky to have her in my life.
Beyond even Sarah, I have started being mentored and discipled by my pastor's wife. Janice is one of the most Godly women I've ever met, she is sure of who she is in the Lord, she is sure of her role in the lives of her husband and children, and she is confident of her role in the lives of the people who live and work around her. She has started speaking truth into my life in a way that I have yearned for since I was a young teenager. A woman who can remind and affirm my own grace, strength, beauty, and wisdom. Every girl needs that kind of truth spoken into her life. When I spend time with Janice, when I call on her wisdom, when I admit my deep-seated fears and my heart's deepest desires... she speaks courage and healing into my soul in a way I've never before experienced. I can physically feel the holes in my heart being patched, the ragged edges of my soul being sewn back together. I am more than blessed.
Through the wisdom, support, and love of these two beloved women in my life, I have become stronger than I ever thought possible. I have been able to stand up for myself in very uncomfortable situations, I have not shrunk away from opposition or confrontation, I have been affirmed and assured of my worth and value. I can do anything. If the Lord calls a man into my life, I can rest assured he will know and value my worth as well, that he will pursue me the way my heart yearns to be pursued, and I will not allow myself to be walked over or taken for granted, as I've done so easily again and again in my past. And if the Lord calls me to be single, I am strong enough to do just that, loving on and caring for everyone who comes into my path, but in a different way. I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way. The Lord promises that He is WITH me, and will never, ever leave. He is all I need. Everything else is just undeserved blessings.
This has been an incredible autumn so far! I have been challenged, uncomfortable, pushed past my personal boundaries, encouraged past my limitations. It's been beautiful.
My best friend in the whole world and I have been co-leading a small group of college women for our church. It's been a real eye-opener for me in terms of what I am called to do, what that looks like, and how I need to throw everything else to the wind and, finally, run after the Lord. Sarah and I have always held each other accountable for our words, our actions, even our very thoughts. But since we've started leading these women, we've been encouraged to go beyond even that into discipling each other, challenging each other, and building each other up even more than we already have. She's always been my Paul, and I her Timothy, but that relationship has become even stronger, even more blessed, than I could ever have imagined a friendship could be. I am so, so lucky to have her in my life.
Beyond even Sarah, I have started being mentored and discipled by my pastor's wife. Janice is one of the most Godly women I've ever met, she is sure of who she is in the Lord, she is sure of her role in the lives of her husband and children, and she is confident of her role in the lives of the people who live and work around her. She has started speaking truth into my life in a way that I have yearned for since I was a young teenager. A woman who can remind and affirm my own grace, strength, beauty, and wisdom. Every girl needs that kind of truth spoken into her life. When I spend time with Janice, when I call on her wisdom, when I admit my deep-seated fears and my heart's deepest desires... she speaks courage and healing into my soul in a way I've never before experienced. I can physically feel the holes in my heart being patched, the ragged edges of my soul being sewn back together. I am more than blessed.
Through the wisdom, support, and love of these two beloved women in my life, I have become stronger than I ever thought possible. I have been able to stand up for myself in very uncomfortable situations, I have not shrunk away from opposition or confrontation, I have been affirmed and assured of my worth and value. I can do anything. If the Lord calls a man into my life, I can rest assured he will know and value my worth as well, that he will pursue me the way my heart yearns to be pursued, and I will not allow myself to be walked over or taken for granted, as I've done so easily again and again in my past. And if the Lord calls me to be single, I am strong enough to do just that, loving on and caring for everyone who comes into my path, but in a different way. I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way. The Lord promises that He is WITH me, and will never, ever leave. He is all I need. Everything else is just undeserved blessings.
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