Praise the Lord for second chances: the chance to grow... the belief in me that I CAN grow, that I have potential.
This has been an incredible autumn so far! I have been challenged, uncomfortable, pushed past my personal boundaries, encouraged past my limitations. It's been beautiful.
My best friend in the whole world and I have been co-leading a small group of college women for our church. It's been a real eye-opener for me in terms of what I am called to do, what that looks like, and how I need to throw everything else to the wind and, finally, run after the Lord. Sarah and I have always held each other accountable for our words, our actions, even our very thoughts. But since we've started leading these women, we've been encouraged to go beyond even that into discipling each other, challenging each other, and building each other up even more than we already have. She's always been my Paul, and I her Timothy, but that relationship has become even stronger, even more blessed, than I could ever have imagined a friendship could be. I am so, so lucky to have her in my life.
Beyond even Sarah, I have started being mentored and discipled by my pastor's wife. Janice is one of the most Godly women I've ever met, she is sure of who she is in the Lord, she is sure of her role in the lives of her husband and children, and she is confident of her role in the lives of the people who live and work around her. She has started speaking truth into my life in a way that I have yearned for since I was a young teenager. A woman who can remind and affirm my own grace, strength, beauty, and wisdom. Every girl needs that kind of truth spoken into her life. When I spend time with Janice, when I call on her wisdom, when I admit my deep-seated fears and my heart's deepest desires... she speaks courage and healing into my soul in a way I've never before experienced. I can physically feel the holes in my heart being patched, the ragged edges of my soul being sewn back together. I am more than blessed.
Through the wisdom, support, and love of these two beloved women in my life, I have become stronger than I ever thought possible. I have been able to stand up for myself in very uncomfortable situations, I have not shrunk away from opposition or confrontation, I have been affirmed and assured of my worth and value. I can do anything. If the Lord calls a man into my life, I can rest assured he will know and value my worth as well, that he will pursue me the way my heart yearns to be pursued, and I will not allow myself to be walked over or taken for granted, as I've done so easily again and again in my past. And if the Lord calls me to be single, I am strong enough to do just that, loving on and caring for everyone who comes into my path, but in a different way. I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way. The Lord promises that He is WITH me, and will never, ever leave. He is all I need. Everything else is just undeserved blessings.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Ideas For Ministry
I had coffee with a girl in my small group this morning, and it was an amazing time just to hear what's going on in her life, with school, friends, her relationship with the Lord, etc.. Amidst all this time of listening, I was overwhelmed with SO many ideas for ministry with my church! As we all know, I get super excited about tons of new and different ideas, and then...somehow...they fall apart. Whether because of circumstances, my own personal laziness, or it just not working out for some random reason. I figured if I wrote them all down in a blog, I"ll remember them all, and I"ll be more likely not to allow my own personal laziness and lack of initiative to be at fault. So here goes:
*A knitting/crocheting group for the women in my church- we'll meet at a local coffee shop every other week through the fall and winter months, to talk, laugh, listen, and work on all our wintry stitching projects.
*Coffee chats weekly with girls in my small group
*Ballroom dance lessons for girls in college/high school, maybe monthly? I'm not sure of this idea, or when I would start it, but it's something I've been asked about in the past, and is very much a sought-after activity by women in these age groups.
*Yoga classes for women in my church? Maybe? Just because I love it SO much, and I want other people to love it, too. Not sure how well this will go over, though...
*Meditation Workshops for local churches, specifically my own church. To teach people how to control their thoughts and emotions, so their prayers aren't one big run-on sentence that slowly drifts in and out of focus. Someone once said prayer is the act of talking to God, and meditation is the act of listening to God. Even the Bible tells us to "Meditate daily."
*Get involved in high school youth group ministry, particularly with the girls. Maybe teach a high school girl bible study?
*Continue leading college women small groups through my church.
*Get my masters in psychology and counseling, so I can become a family and marriage counselor, hopefully full-time with a church, as well as becoming a Girls' Minister. (This is my favorite, favorite one)
These are all I have for now, but be looking for updates and additions. I'm so excited about the powerful plans the Lord has for us!!
*A knitting/crocheting group for the women in my church- we'll meet at a local coffee shop every other week through the fall and winter months, to talk, laugh, listen, and work on all our wintry stitching projects.
*Coffee chats weekly with girls in my small group
*Ballroom dance lessons for girls in college/high school, maybe monthly? I'm not sure of this idea, or when I would start it, but it's something I've been asked about in the past, and is very much a sought-after activity by women in these age groups.
*Yoga classes for women in my church? Maybe? Just because I love it SO much, and I want other people to love it, too. Not sure how well this will go over, though...
*Meditation Workshops for local churches, specifically my own church. To teach people how to control their thoughts and emotions, so their prayers aren't one big run-on sentence that slowly drifts in and out of focus. Someone once said prayer is the act of talking to God, and meditation is the act of listening to God. Even the Bible tells us to "Meditate daily."
*Get involved in high school youth group ministry, particularly with the girls. Maybe teach a high school girl bible study?
*Continue leading college women small groups through my church.
*Get my masters in psychology and counseling, so I can become a family and marriage counselor, hopefully full-time with a church, as well as becoming a Girls' Minister. (This is my favorite, favorite one)
These are all I have for now, but be looking for updates and additions. I'm so excited about the powerful plans the Lord has for us!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thirst and Counseling
Wow! A lot has happened in the days since I last posted. My bestie Sarah and I have begun leading a small group for our church. Since the Bible study we're doing currently is entitled "Thirst," during our first meeting we decorated big wine goblets with our names and pretty designs- we plan on featuring a different beverage for the girls to enjoy every week. Our first beverage was this yummy raspberry sherbert wedding punch- mm mmmm!!
Also, I had a meeting with my awesome pastor and his wife (who, have I mentioned, are AWESOME) this morning about where my life is headed and how to attack these goals. As you know, I want to get my masters in counseling, and they believe in that for me, which is an incredible show of support and faith for me. They brought to my attention how much cheaper getting my degree at a state school would be, and how it would open more doors than going to seminary would. Especially because I don't want to be a "biblical counselor," I want to be a counselor who knows Truth and draws FROM the Bible. Also, if I go to seminary, it only opens doors to Christian counseling which, while that is, indeed, the kind of counseling I want to do, until I find a church that can pay a full-time counselor on staff, I'll need to work in different places. This seems like one big run-on thought... but I'm slowly working through all these things. Maybe I'll stay here and go back to my alma mater? They do have a grad program in psychology/counseling. AND last night in my Power Yoga class, an old friend showed up whom I haven't seen in almost a year- she was suddenly back to school to pursue HER masters in psychology and counseling AT our alma mater! CRAZY! So...I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to do, but I am finally at the point where I know I have to do something. Pastor Joe said this morning that he hears so often from people that they're waiting for the "rock from heaven" to fall and show them where to go or what to do. He said I needed to move... to walk....to just get started, and the Lord would nudge me in the right direction. It's much easier to steer a rolling stone than get it started. So I suppose it's time to start...rolling.
Something else very...coincidental...happened recently. High School Girls Ministry has been something laid on my heart for a very, very long time. Not getting involved in the youth group is the one great regret I have from my last church. I was told very recently that while our church is now looking for a full-time Youth Minister, they have college-aged students- leaders- who hang out with the youth group, go on trips with them, and hang with them during the Wednesday service, etc... but right now they only have male students helping out. They have absolutely no female help. Calling my name, maybe?! The problem is that I teach yoga Wednesday nights from 4:30-9, and their youth group meets at 7 pm. Well, I thought this was strangely coincidental, so I talked to my boss about it, told her everything I felt for so long, and how strange all these coincidental things seem...and her FIRST response was, "Then we'll work it out, babe. If this is your path, we'll make it work." How lovely is she!!
So, again, I'm not totally positive what's going to happen, or where I'm going to go...or stay... but I am SO excited to get the ball rolling...no pun intended... and see what awesome plans the Lord is very clearly pursuing me to show me!
Currently watching: a Friends marathon!
Also, I had a meeting with my awesome pastor and his wife (who, have I mentioned, are AWESOME) this morning about where my life is headed and how to attack these goals. As you know, I want to get my masters in counseling, and they believe in that for me, which is an incredible show of support and faith for me. They brought to my attention how much cheaper getting my degree at a state school would be, and how it would open more doors than going to seminary would. Especially because I don't want to be a "biblical counselor," I want to be a counselor who knows Truth and draws FROM the Bible. Also, if I go to seminary, it only opens doors to Christian counseling which, while that is, indeed, the kind of counseling I want to do, until I find a church that can pay a full-time counselor on staff, I'll need to work in different places. This seems like one big run-on thought... but I'm slowly working through all these things. Maybe I'll stay here and go back to my alma mater? They do have a grad program in psychology/counseling. AND last night in my Power Yoga class, an old friend showed up whom I haven't seen in almost a year- she was suddenly back to school to pursue HER masters in psychology and counseling AT our alma mater! CRAZY! So...I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to do, but I am finally at the point where I know I have to do something. Pastor Joe said this morning that he hears so often from people that they're waiting for the "rock from heaven" to fall and show them where to go or what to do. He said I needed to move... to walk....to just get started, and the Lord would nudge me in the right direction. It's much easier to steer a rolling stone than get it started. So I suppose it's time to start...rolling.
Something else very...coincidental...happened recently. High School Girls Ministry has been something laid on my heart for a very, very long time. Not getting involved in the youth group is the one great regret I have from my last church. I was told very recently that while our church is now looking for a full-time Youth Minister, they have college-aged students- leaders- who hang out with the youth group, go on trips with them, and hang with them during the Wednesday service, etc... but right now they only have male students helping out. They have absolutely no female help. Calling my name, maybe?! The problem is that I teach yoga Wednesday nights from 4:30-9, and their youth group meets at 7 pm. Well, I thought this was strangely coincidental, so I talked to my boss about it, told her everything I felt for so long, and how strange all these coincidental things seem...and her FIRST response was, "Then we'll work it out, babe. If this is your path, we'll make it work." How lovely is she!!
So, again, I'm not totally positive what's going to happen, or where I'm going to go...or stay... but I am SO excited to get the ball rolling...no pun intended... and see what awesome plans the Lord is very clearly pursuing me to show me!
Currently watching: a Friends marathon!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Sick.
I've been sick for only 3 days...and they've been the longest 3 days of this year. It started with a really sore throat, dizziness, and lymph nodes so swollen I was acutely aware of how they hated me. It then became a full-on attack from my sinus cavities, attempting to see which side could get more gloomy and agitated. I've slept 23 hours in the last 2 days, thanks to my SWEET medicine that only cost $4, but every day I wake up feeling foggy and sluggish. Not the best way to wake up, but at least I have been able to sleep through most of the fevers. I've also been SUPER faithful to my neti pot, a kriya I swear by. My dear friend Megan brought me Wellness Tea with echinacea last night, and it both warmed my throat and my soul.
I'm hoping to nip this sickness in the bud in the next day or two. In the past when I have been sick, it's lasted months. I don't often get sick, but when I do it's terrible. I haven't practiced many healthy lifestyle behaviors in my past, so I'm hoping that with all my new-found wellness techniques I can take care of this sickness much quicker than in the past. Not only because sickness, in general, sucks, but because my Ayurvedic fall detox begins next Monday and I'd like to be healthy while I practice this. Further, I've been teaching my best friend how to ballroom dance so she can go out with me on weekends. I know how very much she's been looking forward to going dancing, and I know how much I enjoy it myself, so I really need to be feeling great soon so we can go.
Here's to health and happiness!
Currently listening to: The Civil Wars, Pandora Radio Station
I'm hoping to nip this sickness in the bud in the next day or two. In the past when I have been sick, it's lasted months. I don't often get sick, but when I do it's terrible. I haven't practiced many healthy lifestyle behaviors in my past, so I'm hoping that with all my new-found wellness techniques I can take care of this sickness much quicker than in the past. Not only because sickness, in general, sucks, but because my Ayurvedic fall detox begins next Monday and I'd like to be healthy while I practice this. Further, I've been teaching my best friend how to ballroom dance so she can go out with me on weekends. I know how very much she's been looking forward to going dancing, and I know how much I enjoy it myself, so I really need to be feeling great soon so we can go.
Here's to health and happiness!
Currently listening to: The Civil Wars, Pandora Radio Station
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Memorandum 9/11
Leap, by Brian Doyle
Jennifer Brickhouse saw them falling, hand in hand.
Many people jumped. Perhaps hundreds. No one knows. They struck the pavement with such force that there was a pink mist in the air.
The mayor reported the mist.
A kindergarten boy who saw people falling in flames told his teacher that the birds were on fire. She ran with him on her shoulders out of the ashes.
Tiffany Keeling saw fireballs falling that she later realized were people. Jennifer Griffin saw people falling and wept as she told the story. Niko Winstral saw people free-falling backwards with their hands out, like they were parachuting. Joe Duncan on his roof on Duane Street looked up and saw people jumping. Henry Weintraub saw people "leaping as they flew out." John Carson saw six people fall, "falling over themselves, falling, they were somersaulting." Steve Miller saw people jumping from a thousand feet in the air. Kirk Kjeldsen saw people flailing on the way down, people lining up and jumping, "too many people falling." Jane Tedder saw people leaping and the sight haunts her at night. Steve Tamas counted fourteen people jumping and then he stopped counting. Stuart DeHann saw one woman's dress billowing as she fell, and he saw a shirtless man falling end over end, and he too saw the couple leaping hand in hand.
Several pedestrians were killed by people falling from the sky. A fireman was killed by a body falling from the sky.
But he reached for her hand and she reached for his hand and they leaped out the window holding hands.
I try to whisper prayers for the sudden dead and the harrowed families of the dead and the screaming souls of the murderers but I keep coming back to his hand and her hand nestled in each other with such extraordinary ordinary succinct ancient naked stunning perfect simple ferocious love.
Their hands reaching and joining are the most powerful prayer I can imagine, the most eloquent, the most graceful. It is everything that we are capable of against horror and loss and death. It is what makes me believe that we are not craven fools and charlatans to believe in God, to believe that human beings have greatness and holiness within them like seeds that open only under great fires, to believe that some unimaginable essence of who we are persists past the dissolution of what we were, to believe against such evil hourly evidence that love is why we are here.
No one knows who they were: husband and wife, lovers, dear friends, colleagues, strangers thrown together at the window there at the lip of hell. Maybe they didn't even reach for each other consciously, maybe it was instinctive, a reflex, as they both decided at the same time to take two running steps and jump out the shattered window, but they did reach for each other, and they held on tight, and leaped, and fell endlessly into the smoking canyon, at two hundred miles an hour, falling so far and so fast that they would have blacked out before they hit the pavement near Liberty Street so hard that there was a pink mist in the air.
Jennifer Brickhouse saw them holding hands, and Stuart DeHann saw them holding hands, and I hold onto that.
Jennifer Brickhouse saw them falling, hand in hand.
Many people jumped. Perhaps hundreds. No one knows. They struck the pavement with such force that there was a pink mist in the air.
The mayor reported the mist.
A kindergarten boy who saw people falling in flames told his teacher that the birds were on fire. She ran with him on her shoulders out of the ashes.
Tiffany Keeling saw fireballs falling that she later realized were people. Jennifer Griffin saw people falling and wept as she told the story. Niko Winstral saw people free-falling backwards with their hands out, like they were parachuting. Joe Duncan on his roof on Duane Street looked up and saw people jumping. Henry Weintraub saw people "leaping as they flew out." John Carson saw six people fall, "falling over themselves, falling, they were somersaulting." Steve Miller saw people jumping from a thousand feet in the air. Kirk Kjeldsen saw people flailing on the way down, people lining up and jumping, "too many people falling." Jane Tedder saw people leaping and the sight haunts her at night. Steve Tamas counted fourteen people jumping and then he stopped counting. Stuart DeHann saw one woman's dress billowing as she fell, and he saw a shirtless man falling end over end, and he too saw the couple leaping hand in hand.
 | ||
But he reached for her hand and she reached for his hand and they leaped out the window holding hands.
I try to whisper prayers for the sudden dead and the harrowed families of the dead and the screaming souls of the murderers but I keep coming back to his hand and her hand nestled in each other with such extraordinary ordinary succinct ancient naked stunning perfect simple ferocious love.
Their hands reaching and joining are the most powerful prayer I can imagine, the most eloquent, the most graceful. It is everything that we are capable of against horror and loss and death. It is what makes me believe that we are not craven fools and charlatans to believe in God, to believe that human beings have greatness and holiness within them like seeds that open only under great fires, to believe that some unimaginable essence of who we are persists past the dissolution of what we were, to believe against such evil hourly evidence that love is why we are here.
No one knows who they were: husband and wife, lovers, dear friends, colleagues, strangers thrown together at the window there at the lip of hell. Maybe they didn't even reach for each other consciously, maybe it was instinctive, a reflex, as they both decided at the same time to take two running steps and jump out the shattered window, but they did reach for each other, and they held on tight, and leaped, and fell endlessly into the smoking canyon, at two hundred miles an hour, falling so far and so fast that they would have blacked out before they hit the pavement near Liberty Street so hard that there was a pink mist in the air.
Jennifer Brickhouse saw them holding hands, and Stuart DeHann saw them holding hands, and I hold onto that.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
And We're Back!
After having taken the summer off from blogging (because it takes SO much time...), I am back to re-instate my life online.
This summer has been much less like a vacation and much more like a what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-let's-fill-one-hundred-percent-of-our-time-with-any-and-every-thing-we-possibly-can. Whew. And that's just about what I did. I finished my yoga teacher training and received my certification. I started ballroom dancing again. I'm still working at the lobster, only now I'm training all the new servers that come in (which I have found, to my delight, I truly, truly enjoy doing). I started teaching at a yoga studio in town. I started with 8 classes a week, but with the economy, we downsized that to only 4 classes, and I sub for other teachers when I can. I'm also teaching yoga at my alma mater- only one class a week. I also was in an independent film- I was a hired assassin and got to do some serious fight choreography. (The lead I was fighting with had little stage combat experience and he literally beat the crap out of me. I was black and blue for 2 weeks. Still totally worth it.) On top of all this work, I've attempted to have SOME semblance of a social life, which has amounted to seeing my best friend about once a week. I TOTALLY lost the battle with healthy eating and have gained all my weight back with a vengeance...and then some. I have gone to 2 Thai Bodywork workshops and have taken up practicing on all my friends. I really, really enjoy it, and I find those I practice on really, really enjoy it, too.
I've become absolutely obsessed with learning how to West Coast Swing, a type of ballroom dancing I've attempted to learn in the past but have had very little of the rhythm necessary. Not this time! This time I win. Damn it. I've fallen in love with hiking and attempt to go as often as I can, which so far has amounted to thrice this summer. But go I do...my phobia of spiders, ticks, and wasps be damned. I also have started to find the word "Damn" really funny. I read tons of books, including the entire Hunger Games Trilogy in just 3 days. I'm FINALLY getting around to reading Eat Pray Love, and I bought The Help after watching the film, but haven't read it yet. I did, however, read Water For Elephants after having watched THAT film, and I must say while the movie was good, the book was incredible. You should probably read it, too. I've fallen in love with partner yoga, mala beads (although I haven't had an opportunity to own any yet), pretzels with cheese, incense (particularly the cinnamon kind), forearm/arm balances, anjanayasana, sushi, barre workouts, and hiking (of course). I've re-fallen in love with raisinets (we fought for awhile), going to the movie theatre, margaritas, going on walks (and sometimes jogs), reading, blogging, and, last but certainly not least, eating at out-door cafes. Mmm mmm good. I'm preparing to re-fall in love with coffee, working out, autumn, scarves, and quieter days.
I'm also preparing to send in my headshot and resume to hopefully receive invitations to audition for the American Shakespeare Center in Staunton, VA, and the Shakespeare Theatre Company in DC. If I receive no invitations I'm going to take that as a sign that theatre is not what I should be pursuing right now and throw myself into getting my masters in counseling. I've become obsessed with the idea of working, perhaps, in an abused women's shelter, combining counseling, yoga therapy, and thai bodywork into a holistic kind of therapy that will encourage, inspire, and heal. Whatever happens, I'm hoping to be accepting, energetic, and hopeful as I not so much walk, but LEAP into the future.
Book Currently Reading: Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
This summer has been much less like a vacation and much more like a what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-let's-fill-one-hundred-percent-of-our-time-with-any-and-every-thing-we-possibly-can. Whew. And that's just about what I did. I finished my yoga teacher training and received my certification. I started ballroom dancing again. I'm still working at the lobster, only now I'm training all the new servers that come in (which I have found, to my delight, I truly, truly enjoy doing). I started teaching at a yoga studio in town. I started with 8 classes a week, but with the economy, we downsized that to only 4 classes, and I sub for other teachers when I can. I'm also teaching yoga at my alma mater- only one class a week. I also was in an independent film- I was a hired assassin and got to do some serious fight choreography. (The lead I was fighting with had little stage combat experience and he literally beat the crap out of me. I was black and blue for 2 weeks. Still totally worth it.) On top of all this work, I've attempted to have SOME semblance of a social life, which has amounted to seeing my best friend about once a week. I TOTALLY lost the battle with healthy eating and have gained all my weight back with a vengeance...and then some. I have gone to 2 Thai Bodywork workshops and have taken up practicing on all my friends. I really, really enjoy it, and I find those I practice on really, really enjoy it, too.
I've become absolutely obsessed with learning how to West Coast Swing, a type of ballroom dancing I've attempted to learn in the past but have had very little of the rhythm necessary. Not this time! This time I win. Damn it. I've fallen in love with hiking and attempt to go as often as I can, which so far has amounted to thrice this summer. But go I do...my phobia of spiders, ticks, and wasps be damned. I also have started to find the word "Damn" really funny. I read tons of books, including the entire Hunger Games Trilogy in just 3 days. I'm FINALLY getting around to reading Eat Pray Love, and I bought The Help after watching the film, but haven't read it yet. I did, however, read Water For Elephants after having watched THAT film, and I must say while the movie was good, the book was incredible. You should probably read it, too. I've fallen in love with partner yoga, mala beads (although I haven't had an opportunity to own any yet), pretzels with cheese, incense (particularly the cinnamon kind), forearm/arm balances, anjanayasana, sushi, barre workouts, and hiking (of course). I've re-fallen in love with raisinets (we fought for awhile), going to the movie theatre, margaritas, going on walks (and sometimes jogs), reading, blogging, and, last but certainly not least, eating at out-door cafes. Mmm mmm good. I'm preparing to re-fall in love with coffee, working out, autumn, scarves, and quieter days.
I'm also preparing to send in my headshot and resume to hopefully receive invitations to audition for the American Shakespeare Center in Staunton, VA, and the Shakespeare Theatre Company in DC. If I receive no invitations I'm going to take that as a sign that theatre is not what I should be pursuing right now and throw myself into getting my masters in counseling. I've become obsessed with the idea of working, perhaps, in an abused women's shelter, combining counseling, yoga therapy, and thai bodywork into a holistic kind of therapy that will encourage, inspire, and heal. Whatever happens, I'm hoping to be accepting, energetic, and hopeful as I not so much walk, but LEAP into the future.
Book Currently Reading: Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
Monday, May 16, 2011
For My Love of Yoga
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