Oldie But A Goodie

I watched the Newsies today, for the first time in years. I first experienced this movie in the living room of my best friend Sarah's house. Her dad played the dulcimer and loved this movie. Not sure what the dulcimer reference is for, but I feel it's important in some way.

The first time I saw the film, I didn't catch a lot of the references, and as an under-traveled middle school student, I couldn't understand a lot of the regional dialects that were happening. So I missed a lot of the dialogue. But the singing was great, the dancing was great, and hey! a musical about newspapers! Whoop whoop!

I found the dvd in the $5 bin at Walmart a few months ago, and just haven't had the time to watch it. Boy, was the wait worth it! I caught very reference, understood all the dialects, and as a seasoned dancer myself now- the choreography was even more amazing!

This time around, however, I wasn't as impressed with the singing. It was a little sub-par for a musical, if you ask me. But I'm used to seeing stage shows where the principal characters are always singer-actors, as opposed to this film, which cast mainly actor-singers (and sometimes just actors who had been asked to sing) as the principals. But I really liked that all the singing was done by the actors themselves, and not voice-overs. I also really liked that, because most of the actors were not professional singers, I could get more into the characters and the relationships they had with each other. There was a much stronger emphasis on character development and storytelling via singing, rather than simply sounding out lovely music.

And how can I not say anything about Christian Bale? Geez Louise.  Tolerable singer, tolerable dancer, PHENOMENAL actor. Wow. He had such incredible charisma even back when he was a teenager. He just draws you into his performance. We should have all known what was in store for him.

It was also interesting to re-visit this movie after having seen Ann Margaret in Grumpy Old Men. She is lovely! And a real performer. So classy.

Lastly, I just want to take a moment and praise Robert Duvall. Wow! What a character actor! His little mannerisms, his sounding out the "calculator" when he was attempting to figure out salaries, his subtle hints at hypochondria- were just all amazing! I was completely floored by his performance.

And to think- as a 12-year-old I just thought he was a weird guy. Huh.

A Bad Habit...

I have this terrible bad habit of comparing myself to others. And not in a superior, condescending, I-can't-believe-she-thinks-we're-in-the-same-league kind of way, but in a sad, self-esteem-less, I-remember-when-I-was-something-special-and-I-think-I'm-not-anymore-but-look-how-cool-you-still-are-and-what-cool-things-you're-still-doing kind of way.

Which is sad.

And I know it's a bad habit. I know it's ridiculous. And I know better than to sit at my computer and look up old friends via facebook.

Yet...every once in awhile.... once upon a blue moon, if you will... and sometimes twice upon a blue moon... I find myself staring at an old friend who stuck with competition martial arts, or theatre, or dance, or sign language... and is OVER THE MOON successful at whatever it might be they are doing.

I have no right to compare myself. I know I've led an incredibly blessed and successful life thus far, full of accomplishment and adventure.  But I feel like perhaps I started out of the gate too fast, and I can't quite keep up with the pace I set. I feel as though all my major accomplishments are behind me, and what else lies before?

I'm well aware that I should not place my value in what I DO, but rather who I AM. I often get caught up in the doings of life and miss out on just simply being.  But it really is a challenge for me to find self-worth in who I am rather than what job I'm working, or what hobby I'm doing, or which show I was just cast in, or what medal I won in the most recent national or international karate tournament. And I find myself wishing my life were something more, something different than it is. That I hadn't retired from competition, or that I had moved to a big city and pursued the stage right out of college, rather than move to a tiny town, get engaged, get un-engaged, and sit still for 5 years. So many people I went to school with, or trained with, or grew up with have big-girl and big-boy jobs now, or they are out living a dream, or running around on adventure after adventure.  And I'm still in the same town I moved to for college a hundred years ago.

I think it's time for a change. I'm ready to go on my next adventure.  I've stayed still for far too long, and I know the next step is elsewhere. 

I have to stop looking up old friends. If I don't, I certainly have to stop feeling sorry for myself- that I'm not doing whatever it is they are doing. I have to start feeling excited that they are on their own adventure, and set my sights on my own next step.

So here I go! Whatever it is, wherever it may lead, I'm ready! Let that door explode! Let the floodgates open! Here I am, Lord, send me!

My Day Was...

I know, I know. It says I posted this on August 3rd. But it's only 1 am, and I haven't been to sleep yet... so it doesn't count as missing a day.

I had a really, really great day today. I woke up early, had a discipleship meeting, spent some awesome time with the Lord, had great conversations with old friends- I even made it to the gym. And all before work!

But then I went to work.

I really hate working in a restaurant. I used to really enjoy it. See a need, meet a need. That was my goal, and my joy.  But after serving people in the food service industry for over 3 years (6, if you count my time with Starbucks, which was incredibly enjoyable...so I don't.), I can say from the bottom of my heart that I HATE IT. Every ounce of compassion, of mercy, of love for mankind in general has slowly been chipped away at until I detest humanity as a whole. And with the end goal of full-time ministry, this is not particularly a well-desired quality.  I'm working against this emotion, but I do feel that I am NOT meant to live my life based on the kindness and generosity of others. Because there is none. I mean...there's an occasional good tip. But it's more rare than getting struck by lightning. Twice. And being taken advantage of again and again and again really takes its toll on you. I wish everyone could understand that stiffing, or even under-tipping, your server genuinely chips away at her soul- pieces that can never be recovered. I truly wish everyone had to make a living based on tips for a small portion of their lives. They'd be a lot kinder, in general, if that happened.

But this blog is not meant to complain about tips (I mean, do YOU get paid in Jesus tracts? Then stop paying us in them!). It's meant to tell you how wonderful true friends really are.  After work I stopped by my dear friend Ellice's house to have our weekly dvr-watching of So You Think You Can Dance. She gave me a margarita and some cheetohs, listened to me complain for a minute, and then sat next to me on the couch, unwinding my ball of yarn so I could work on the blanket I'm currently crocheting. She and her husband then had an hour-long conversation with me about all sorts of fun things- their opinion of The Dark Knight Rises, how amazed they both were that I never saw the Superman SuperSeries starring Dean Cain and Terri Hatcher, and how very manly Scotsmen are. Particularly Ewan McGregor.

After spending a couple hours at their house, with no agenda and with no intentions, I felt really great about my day once more. Just a few hours spent with good friends was all it took to erase the frustration and hurt I felt all night at work.

And that's what this blog is for. It's a toast to good friends, and good conversation, and how good the world truly is. Outside of restaurant service. ;)

Resolution August: I Have A Blog?

It has come to my attention that I have rudely and painfully neglected my blog. What has it ever done to me to deserve such loneliness? Nothing!  So my new month's resolution is to blog every single day. It might be just a little blurb, it might be a nice mini-monologue, it could even become a novel. You don't know! I don't know! But I'm anxious and excited to see what happens! See you tomorrow!

House Spa

I have this silly little dream that isn't congruent with any other plan I have in mind.

I have this idea that I'd like to buy one of the big, old houses downtown in Richmond... and turn it into a spa.

Wouldn't this just be such a charming place to spend a day away?

I would renovate it, have all hardwood flooring, maybe some exposed brick walls (maybe), and lots of rich, deep color on the walls. Each room would be a different sort of spa activity. There would be rooms for manicures and pedicures, rooms for massages (all different kinds- deep tissue, hot stone, Swedish, Thai...), rooms for facials and hair masks...  I would have a sauna, a yoga room, and a room where you can eat all kinds of delicious (and healthy) foods and beverages. In the back I might have a garden, a hot tub, a place to sit and enjoy the sounds of nature. Basically, everything you might want to do with your bridesmaids if you were getting married and wanted to spend a day at the spa- all found in one centralized, affordable, (and lovely) location.  

I really think there is a market for this in the Richmond area. There isn't really anything like this anywhere in this part of the state. I think it would do remarkably well. 

Unfortunately, I am not business-savvy enough for this type of commitment, nor do I want to be settled permanently anywhere right now. I still want to travel and spend time overseas, I want the chance to audition (and maybe travel with) a nationally-touring Shakespeare company, I want the opportunity to say yes to some big thing that might come my way.

So this dream might be a future endeavor. It could just be a dream, and nothing more.  But I think it would be fun, and lovely- an opportunity to make women feel special and beautiful. To give them a day away from everyday life. An escape to somewhere extraordinary- to bring a destination resort to a hometown.

Maybe one day.

Resolution July: The Month Without Resolutions

I know what you must be thinking. But wait! This is her Year of Resolutions! She can't miss a month! She'll be...MISSING a month! And then it won't be a year!

Fear not, loyal readers and supporters of my Year of Resolutions. Not all mandates should be absolute. My challenge this month is to continue making wise choices, complete my 78 ongoing-but-never-finished projects, and simply enjoy life without restrictions. Next month we will have another resolution, but this month is my reminder that life is not lived in black and white lines. It's messy and blurry and flexible and...wonderful. I'll let you know how it goes!

Resolution June: Conclusion

My month without fast food went really well, in general. It became more of a financial-awareness-and-also-healthy-eating type ordeal, without actually officially calling itself that. There was only really one time I actually got food from a fast-food joint, and I felt extremely guilty about it. So much so that I didn't eat all my food. Which then made me feel wasteful. Ha! Vicious cycle.

Overall, it was a great exercise in financial awareness and management. On top of not buying meals from restaurants, I worked much more than I have been AND I dog/house sat all month. At the end of the month I literally paid over twice as many bills as I normally do in one month. It was incredible! I felt, maybe for the first time, truly like an adult. Work hard, pay tons of bills, reap the benefits of living responsibly and maturely.  This is definitely an exercise to continue with.